Fly By Night: Reaching For The Stars
by Ralph Jr
Summary: Bert leaves the Evergreen Forest for life in Vancouver in hopes of getting a record contract, but what will befall him there? Will he make it or will he fall flat on his face? ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1: Leavin' Here

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Well, a few months ago I had an idea for a fanfiction while watching a bunch of Raccoons episodes-I wondered how Ralph and Melissa met one another and got together, so I decided to write about that (in large part because I realized no one else was going to write about that-in that situation, you take things upon yourself!) You all know that fanfic as "The Story Of Ralph Raccoon" (honestly, I think I could have come up with a better title for it than that), and it turned out really quite well-better than I expected (though some parts do leave a bitter aftertaste in my mouth-I think I could have done without Ralph's father having a heart attack). I brought that fanfic to Deviantart, and the reception there has REALLY exceeded what I thought it would: already I've gotten a bunch of art for it-most significantly CartoonLover16 drawing up a title card for every one of the chapters (major props to him). Really did not anticipate it being THAT successful. But, I realized most of the way through it that when Bert's band formed to play at the Valentine's Day Ball (where Ralph and Melissa finally do decide to get together) that I had the opportunity to write another story there. And this? This is that story. Get ready for quite an adventure...

Before I start, I feel compelled to announce this fanfic is dedicated to the memory of two-time Indy 500 champion (including this year's 500) and 2005 Indy Racing League champion Dan Wheldon, who was tragically killed in a terrible accident in this year's Indy Car series finale at Las Vegas. I had the misfortune of tuning into this race, and well...it's quite a sobering experience seeing someone get killed-I've seen it happen four times (all of them race car drivers) already in my short life span. Really shows me life is quite a fragile thing, and it can be taken away so quickly. My thoughts are with the Wheldon family. It might seem odd to dedicate a fanfic that has nothing in the slightest to do with racing to a deceased race car driver, but, well...it just feels like (from my perspective) the right thing to do. It's the most thoughtful thing I could think of to do. Now, with that little bit of ultra-seriousness out of the way...

_**The Most Wonderful Legal Disclaimer You'll Ever Read In Your Whole Life: **I do not own the rights to the Raccoons, they belong to Kevin Gillis. I do not expect to ever gain the rights to this cartoon, so I'll always have to post one of these...Any and all bands or musicians or anything else of the like are not mine either, they belong to their respective copyright holders. Any and all characters appearing in this fanfic who are not from the Raccoons TV show most likely are characters of my own creation-they can only be used with my permission. Use them without my permission, and I will CUT you...! Well, not really, but I do not like theft of characters, so if you want to use one, ask me for my permission, please! Any and all similarities between characters and real people is coincidental but could be intentional...no, scratch that. It most probably IS intentional in this fanfic. I don't intend to make any money off of this fanfic-as if I do, I'm just asking to get locked up in jail, aren't I? And now, Ralph Jr./GoodCaptainClack presents...  
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**Fly By Night: Reaching For The Stars**

**CHAPTER ONE: Leavin' Here**

It was just another ordinary July evening in the Evergreen Forest. All was quiet and all of the forests' inhabitants had retired to their homes for the night. Not a creature seemed to be stirring...except for of course, Bert Raccoon.

Bert was busy packing his belongings into an old suitcase. Tonight was a very important night-a night he'd long dreamed of. Tonight, Bert would be leaving his home in the Forest to head out to the hustle and bustle of Vancouver-where hopefully, he and his band, the Flying Aces, would acquire a recording contract and make their first steps on the path to super-stardom.

Bert glanced at an old photograph he was about to pack into his suitcase. It was an old photograph from his high school days of him and his best friend, Ralph, whom he had been co-habiting with at their Raccoondominium for the past three years. Bert had his arm around his old buddy and was flashing a huge grin while Ralph just looked rather...confused. Bert had caught him by surprise for that photo.

Bert sighed. "So many memories..." Bert was reminiscing over the years. He had met Ralph on their first day of school at Evergreen Elementary many years ago. Bert had been having fun playing on the new swing set when he suddenly oversaw a commotion as an older alligator suddenly beat up another raccoon and stole his lunch. Bert was disgusted at the sight before him and rushed off to confront the bully, Garth Knox, the younger brother of the businessman Mr. Knox (and father of Bonneville). Garth scoffed at Bert's declaration that he would be willing to take him on, but it worked: Garth walked away, declaring that the poor kid he'd been beating up was not worth the effort. The grateful young raccoon had thanked him profusely for helping him, and Bert, feeling sympathetic to the fellow raccoon, offered to be his friend. That young raccoon had been Ralph, and from then on, a life-long friendship had been sparked. Bert and Ralph had been through many things together through the years...

Bert now remembered the days from when the old portrait was taken: high school. Bert had really come into his own in high school, finding himself to be a talented guitarist. He'd also proven to be...quite a hit with the ladies, he'd had quite the stream of girlfriends. He found himself becoming quite popular, something he hadn't really been when he'd been in elementary school. Ralph, on the other hand, poor Ralph...Ralph had just had a horrendous time of it in high school. He found himself constantly bullied by some of Bert's fellow popular kids. Bert' actually found himself berated by them for actually continuing to associate with Ralph and his other close friend, Cedric Sneer, as they were both considered nerds and, well, the polar opposite of "cool." But Bert could never abandon his old friends like his popular pals wanted him to...they had been his oldest and dearest friends, and the popular crowd could never take the place of them. But both Ralph and Cedric had to endure countless hours of bullying and torment-Ralph especially. Bert was disgusted at some of the things they'd said about Ralph: that he'd never make anything of himself, that he was destined to be a failure, and, worst of all, that he would be destined to be alone all his life-that no woman would ever possibly love him. Ralph had been a good guy, no doubt, but he _really _lacked confidence in himself, and took those statements to heart-he really began to think he was destined to be a failure both financially and romantically. Ralph tried his hardest to find a girlfriend, but none of the girls really wanted him, it seemed-he wasn't their type, and many considered him too...well, cowardly to date. Sure, Bert had to admit, Ralph definitely could stand to show more confidence in himself, but it wasn't right that he was bullied so relentlessly and had such a difficult time in the dating department. Ralph was often miserable in those days and Bert would usually cheer him up when he was down upon himself. It had come to a head when they had had their senior prom-poor Ralph was so saddened to see a girl he had a crush on dancing with one of Bert's popular friends that he'd gone outside and bawled his eyes out. Bert managed to cheer him up by promising him that once they got out of high school and entered the college world, things would get better for Ralph. Ralph was _sure_ to do well in college, as he'd always been a good student, and plus, Bert had felt, that would be certain to impress more than a few girls. Bert explained that some woman out there would want him and love him, and that really made Ralph feel quite a bit better about himself. Ralph had been lucky to have a friend like him-Bert didn't even want to begin to think what he might have done had he not been around for him. For all he knew, without a friend like Bert, Ralph might have tried to kill himself...

Along came college. Bert remembered his college days. Bert had been majoring in music, his one true passion. Ralph had decided to major in newspaper journalism-his own personal passion. A big moment occurred in Ralph's life that first year in college; he'd met Melissa. Bert had to smile, thinking about it: he'd been partially responsible for the two of them getting to know one another-if it hadn't been for him offering Ralph some of his trademark peanut butter delicacies, Ralph would have never gone to that Cafe and then he might very well have never met her! The two of them had become quite good friends over that summer-and Bert could tell the two of them had something for each other. Ralph had vehemently denied it, proclaiming them to be just good friends, but Bert had seen enough to know Ralph could not fool him. He was smitten, love-struck, head over heels for her. But the difference between this and Ralph's past crushes was that he actually stood a chance with her, as it was blatantly obvious to Bert that Melissa felt the same about him. But Ralph, even though he'd eventually admit he did feel that way about her, was up to his old habits-he just could not ask her out. He was afraid that he would drive her away or that he would royally screw up and drive her off. Not to mention, he felt he couldn't ever be good enough for her, that she deserved someone more exciting than him. It was so frustrating, to Bert, seeing his close friend pining for her and then promptly moping that the two of them could never possibly be a good match for each other. It'd gotten to the point where, more than once, Bert had wanted to shout at Ralph, "Dammit, Ralph! Ask the damn girl out! She likes you and you're just going to sit there and let her slip away from you! Take a chance, Ralph!"

It indeed looked like Ralph was going to pass her up as Melissa attempted to ask him out to a big Valentine's Day dance (that Bert had special memories of, for more reason than one...) in his second year of college (and her third). Bert frowned at that memory...Ralph brushed her aside and told her he wasn't interested. That caused Melissa to storm out of the Raccoondominium in tears and poor Ralph just felt so horrible about what'd he done, he'd been so caught up in his schoolwork he hadn't paid attention to her. Bert was ashamed of his friend, but, he felt maybe it wasn't quite over yet for Ralph. Maybe if Ralph gave it a little time, he could apologize to her and get back onto her good side. Ralph took that advice; unfortunately, he found an old high school nemesis in his way-none other than Arnold Layne. Bert cringed remembering Arnold-he couldn't believe he'd actually been friends with him at one time! Arnold had been a completely two-faced, lowbrow jackass who had made Ralph's life hell through high school-and he'd tried to take advantage of Ralph nearly brushing Melissa aside by approaching her and asking her to the dance. Ralph ended up taking a beating from him, but not before he found out that Arnold Layne planned to try to bed her after the dance...whether she wanted it or not. This horrified Bert and Ralph, and led Ralph to do something utterly foolish to try to win her over-challenge Arnold Layne to his hobby, motorcycle racing. Despite the fact that he'd never driven a motorcycle before, Ralph had done surprisingly well...Bert had to admit he was quite impressed with how well he had done! Unfortunately for Ralph, Arnold decided to bend the rules and deliberately crashed poor Ralph right out of the race. This, however, proved to be a blessing in disguise...Arnold was exposed to all for being a good for nothing slime ball, and Melissa promptly ordered him to go away and never come back. Things got even better for Ralph...as Melissa had decided to go to the dance with him after all. They had a really great time together, and Bert was quite glad to hear afterwards that the two of them had decided that they _did _make a good match, after all, and had decided to start dating. Bert couldn't have been more proud for his friend-he was quite glad to see he was right after all and his "friends" in high school had been wrong-Ralph wasn't destined to be alone, there indeed was a woman out there who thought the world of him. Bert had watched as Ralph and Melissa's relationship had grown stronger through the past couple of years, and just this past year the two had decided to tie the knot and get married. Just a couple months ago, they had been wed as Bert had been Ralph's best man. Ralph was so happy that day in church, and Bert couldn't help but feel glad for him too.

Still, Bert couldn't help but feel a little envious of his friend-Bert had told him that things would get better once they got out of high school. "_And boy, did they ever for Ralph!_" Bert thought to himself. Ralph had been cowardly, shy, and full of self-doubt in high school, but he was certainly one of those who'd come into his own in college. Now Ralph was confident in himself, he looked certain to succeed in his prospective career, he had a loving wife-everything seemed to be going his way now. Bert hated to admit it to himself, but he was at least a _little_ jealous of Ralph, considering Ralph had actually done better relationship-wise than he had! Ralph had a great relationship with Melissa-hell, he'd married her, hadn't he? Bert, on the other hand, had always had a reputation as a player-he'd been with close to forty different women over the past seven or so years! The furthest Bert had ever gone in a relationship was no further than maybe three months-he'd slept with many of his girlfriends and ended up catching who knows how many diseases over the years from it! "_Thank goodness for medication,_" Bert mused. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd accidentally gotten any of them pregnant-for all he knew there might be more than one young boy or girl out there wondering where their father was! He felt quite guilty for doing that. Bert just could not help but be envious of Ralph (even though he'd never voiced that to him), because Ralph had something he did not: the love of a good woman. Bert couldn't help but wonder what it was like to have that-it had to be quite a wonderful feeling, judging by how Ralph seemed most of the time. Bert hoped that maybe someday he would find out what that was like...

But with the future that seemed certain for him, it was quite likely he would. Bert had to remember when he'd gotten his first guitar back in 1974 when he was twelve. It had been a birthday gift from his parents-well, more specifically, his mother, as his father had always thought of rock music as "demon's music" and significantly preferred old Broadway showtunes-a genre Bert could never understand anyone's interest in. When he'd first gotten a guitar, he had been truly awful at the instrument-but time had helped him get better at the instrument. Before he knew it, Bert was able to play some of his favorite songs from his favorite rock genre of the time-glam rock. Bert had had aspirations of being a glam rocker at that time, but now he was quite embarrassed that he'd even begun to think about becoming a glam rocker-he could not believe he'd ever wanted to paint his face in make-up and wear those ridiculous costumes. It'd been so ridiculous, so corny, so...campy. Bert was glad his musical taste had changed over the years. He'd seen many of the greats performing right at Vancouver-Adrenaline, Steel Airship, Uriah Sheep, Deep Blue, the What, the Rolling Bones...the list went on and on. Bert had gravitated towards the heavy metal genre by the end of his high school days, and he felt certain he could be a metal god. That Valentine's Day that Ralph and Melissa had gotten together had been a special day for Bert as well-it was the Flying Aces' first gig. Bert remembered that gig quite well-Bert had gathered together his fellow musical colleagues Donny Davis as his co-lead guitarist and Mark Miller as his bass player. Rounding up that original line-up were Bert's friends from high school Carl Waters on keyboards and Clancy Rogers on drums. Bert had personally wanted Cedric to be his keyboardist and Ralph to be his drummer, but Ralph had no interest in the rock and roll lifestyle (as much as Bert had tried to persuade him it _had _to be the right lifestyle for the both of them, Ralph would not hear a word of it), and Cedric had been away at a different college. So Carl and Clancy it had been. They had managed to gel together quite well...so well, in fact, Bert got arrested for disturbing the peace at their first ever gig! He didn't regret it, though, not one bit...

But that original line-up only lasted for a short time; within two months, Mark had already left the Flying Aces. Bert had never even known it, but Mark had already been scouted out by another local band called Greasy Spoon even before he'd joined the Flying Aces-from what Bert had known, Greasy Spoon had already acquired a record contract and already had an LP out. Bert was a little envious Mark had gone on to achieve success before him. With Mark gone, Donny Davis had moved over to replace him on bass, ending the band's short-lived days as a band with two lead guitarists; which Bert didn't really truthfully mind. Carl Waters had been the next to go...to be honest, he had never managed to fit in with the Aces at all. Bert and Donny were both heavy metal musicians by trade, and Clancy had been a jazz-trained drummer when he'd been in high school, but had managed to surprisingly quickly adapt to the heavy metal style. But Carl...Carl was quite the cracked nut, Bert had to admit. He'd been somewhat of an...avant-gardeist. Bert had written a number of songs with Ralph (he'd needed Ralph's help, because, Bert had to embarrassingly admit, he'd had a lot of trouble coming up with the lyrics for a full song itself outside of the choruses), and the Aces had usually performed these songs as well as a few covers of songs they had liked (Adrenaline and Steel Airship being most prominent among them). But Carl...Carl was trying to present his, erm, "songs" to the band to perform...and they were highly bizarre. Their lyrics often made little to no sense, and Carl would continuously change up the key and the tempo every time they performed them and then seemed dumbfounded when they didn't seem to get his songs. He'd already been short a few marbles when the band had formed, but over the following year he'd just gotten more and more psychotic and less and less functional. Finally, it came to a head when Carl pulled out a hammer at the end of a gig and destroyed his synthesizer, then promptly quit the band and announced he was going solo. Bert didn't really miss Carl-he'd been far too crazy to fit in with the band! Fortunately, it didn't take long for Bert to find a replacement...along had come an older raccoon by the name of Don Ringtail, new to the Evergreen Forest. What luck Bert had had in being able to recruit Don into his fold-Don was an ex-progressive rocker from the 1970s, the leader, composer, songwriter, and frontman of the not-so-very-successful group Clawhammer. They had had 4 LPs out, released between 1972 and 1977, before they had to dissolve due to poor sales leading to them going bankrupt. Don offered Bert that he'd help him with his songwriting-which negated Bert's dependance on Ralph for help with lyrics. With this lineup, Bert certainly was destined for success...

"Uh oh!" Bert suddenly realized. Thinking about Don had suddenly made him realize something-Don, along with Donny and Clancy, would be coming by here very soon tonight to pick Bert up and travel to Vancouver together, where they already had an apartment waiting for them. He'd been so lost in thought, he'd nearly forgot all about that. "Oh man, I better finish packing-Don'll be here any minute!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, downstairs, Ralph and Melissa were sitting on the sofa, watching the late-night news together. Ralph knew tonight was a very big night-the night his oldest and dearest friend would be leaving their Raccoondominium for life in the big city. The both of them were rather concerned about their friend...<p>

"Well, Melissa," Ralph spoke to his wife, "this is it. In just maybe an hour or so, Bert's going to be leaving for Vancouver. He's got such high hopes for success there...and well, I fear what may happen to him out there. You know, the city is far from a friendly place..."

Melissa nodded. "I know, Ralph. Bert doesn't seem to be aware of the many dangers the city poses towards him, I just hope he'll be able to make it out there..."

"Who knows?" Ralph wondered. "With Bert, really, who knows what could go down in Vancouver..."

"Plus," Melissa added, "I'm more than a bit worried about those band mates of his. They don't seem to be the most outstanding group of characters...especially that Don Ringtail. I have a very bad feeling about him...I just do. Something doesn't seem quite right about him..."

Ralph seemed a bit surprised by this particular statement. "Why do you think that?"

"Well, when I had the opportunity to speak to him, I felt this particularly bad vibe about him. Like he wasn't all he said to be, like there was something he never told us. Didn't you feel that when you spoke with him?"

Ralph shook his head. "No, Melissa, in fact, if I may be honest with you, I actually thought Don was quite an upstanding kind of guy. Compared to Donny and Clancy, he really felt like a guy I could really relate to."

Melissa frowned. "Of _course_ you'd like him, Ralph."

Ralph seemed confused by Melissa's rather sudden change of mood for the sour. "Why would that be?"

"Because," she huffed, "he's a poet, just like you are!"

Ralph remembered when he'd actually had the opportunity to meet Don-it'd been at his very own bachelor party. Don had really made a good impression on Ralph, truth be told, he'd even given Ralph copies of the two books of poetry he'd written shortly after Clawhammer had failed as a group as a wedding present. Ralph admittedly found Don's poetry style interesting-Don primarily wrote darkly humored character portraits. It had reminded him a bit of John Antwistle of the What, a famous musician who had written songs in that type of style. Not to mention, Ralph was amazed that a professional like Don had seemingly thought an amateur such as himself was good-Don had told him "Your poetry's pretty good there, Ralph, you ever thought about having it published professionally? I could see to that." The thought of Ralph actually having his poems he'd written over the years published professionally was a bit of an enticing one.

Ralph calmly responded, "Well, Melissa, Don and I do happen to be fellow poets, and I suppose we do have to look out for one another. I can't really say if there's something up about him. I guess only time will tell."

"I suppose we'll see..." Melissa sighed.

"Bert's bandmates aren't what I'm most concerned about though. What concerns me the most is, well, the music industry."

"Oh, them," Melissa replied. "I've heard they're...well, they're not exactly the friendliest bunch of folks."

"Exactly," Ralph agreed, "and they'll have rules they'll want Bert to follow. I'm really concerned they're going to try to mold him and break him until he becomes their own personal puppet. I really hope that doesn't happen to him..."

"Bert's pretty strong-willed, I don't know if he'd give in to that so easily."

"You'd be surprised what the possibility of stardom could do to somebody..."

At that moment, Bert came downstairs carrying his suitcase with him.

"Finished packing, Bert?" Melissa queried him.

"Oh yeah," Bert said, placing the suitcase right next to the front door. "I'm all ready; I'm just waiting for Don and the guys to show up."

"Well, they'll be here any minute," Ralph informed him.

"Oh, wait, I almost forgot," Bert added, remembering something he had planned to do for a long time ever since he knew when he'd be leaving the Forest.

"What did you almost forget?" Melissa asked, curiously.

Bert walked over to the telephone and dialed a number.

"Are you calling Cedric or something?" Melissa tried to find out.

"No, you'll see," Bert chuckled.

Meanwhile, at Mike's Beer Emporium, Mike Mulligan was busy wiping off a beer mug while the usual cast of drunks were busy enjoying their beers and watching an ultra-bloody late night boxing match. Mike was the father of Melissa and had recently had to give away his daughter at her wedding to Ralph. It had been very hard on him, as poor Mike didn't really have much left in this world...not to mention, the thought of Melissa being intimate with her new husband did wreck his nerves somewhat...he'd thought about that more than once, and for him, it wasn't a pleasant thought...Sure, that was pretty much supposed to happen in a marriage-any marriage without it was pretty much a loveless sham-but that still didn't mean Mike had to particularly like that though. Mike sighed, as suddenly, at that moment, the telephone rang. A phone call. Mike wondered who it could be as he answered the ringer.

"Hello, Mike's Beer Emporium," Mike calmly replied. "Greatest booze-hole in all of the Evergreen Forest, bar none. How can I help you?"

The voice on the other end of the line asked of him, "Well, Mike, I'm trying to find a friend of mine. Goes by the name of Phil."

"Phil, eh? Phil who?"

"Uh, Phil McCracken. He was supposed to be home to his wife hours ago, and she just called me asking if I could get him to come home. Any chance you could find him for her?"

Mike felt certain he could help here. "Sure, I'll check for him." Mike promptly held the phone to the side and shouted out to his patrons, "Uh, Phil McCracken! Phil McCracken? Hey, everyone, I want a Phil McCracken!"

The drunks quickly realized the double entendre of the name, and promptly responded by bursting out into uproarious laughter.

"Hey, Mike," chimed in Peter Fagan, a rabbit patron of Mike's. "Ya know, if you want that, I think I heard they got a gay bar somewhere around this area!" Peter promptly howled with laughter.

"Heheh, good one, Pete! Good one!" Arthur Raccoon, another patron of Mike's (and Ralph's father, to boot), agreed as he and Peter chinked their beer mugs together and joined their fellow customers in the fit of laughter.

Mike looked confused for a moment, then realized something. He had just been had. _Big-time_. "YOU!" he shouted angrily into the receiver. "It's you AGAIN? I thought you were through calling here! I thought maybe you had grown up a little since you hadn't called me in ages, but I see you're still the same old cowardly jackass you've always been!"

The voice on the other end of the line laughed and asked Mike calmly, "What are you going to do about it?"

Mike furiously shouted, "You little _toad_, if I ever find out who you are, I'll chop the top of your head off with my rusty old chainsaw and use your brains to help re-paint my old car! Now leave me the hell alone!" Mike angrily slammed the receiver down. What a little jackass. Mike could not stand that punk, whoever the hell he was...

Back at the Raccoondominium, Bert was roaring with laughter as he had just committed another successful prank call to add to his list. Ralph and Melissa looked at him with disgust and disbelief upon their faces.

"Bert!" Melissa scolded him. "I thought you'd grown out of making those horrible calls to my father!"

"You promised us you would never make one of those immature and childish prank calls again, what exactly is this all about?" Ralph angrily proclaimed.

"I am done with them officially; now and forever," Bert said, more seriously. "The only reason I did that, you see, was, well, for old time's sake. I'm probably never going to be able to do that again anyways, I figured I might as well take the opportunity..."

Ralph and Melissa sighed. They'd never truly understand how Bert worked sometimes...

Bert spoke to his two close friends. "Well, I guess this is goodbye, you two. I'm really gonna miss ya-but don't worry, I'll still write and call here every so often! We won't stay out of touch."

Ralph nodded. "It's at least good to know we'll hear from you, Bert. I just do hope you're not expecting success right away."

Bert laughed. "Ah, of course not, Ralphie! Rome wasn't built in a day, you know. But I think we have a really good shot between you and me-with Don and Donny on my side, I'm certain we'll be able to show 'em something! I've got my hopes set real high here-you know, that one local critic who sat in at one of our gigs said we sounded like a poor man's Judas Priest, and with a compliment like that, I know that means we'll be stars!"

Ralph and Melissa both groaned at Bert's rather woeful ignorance. Bert had completely misunderstood that statement.

"Bert, you do realize, that was not a compliment in the slightest," Ralph retorted.

"What he really meant, Bert," Melissa explained to the pitifully unaware raccoon, "was that he thought the Flying Aces sounded like a very bad imitation of that band. He was putting down your band as one to avoid."

"Huh." Bert felt a bit insulted now. "Still, I think we do have quite a good shot at the big-time. When we're on our big world tour, my band will be the first major band to make a stop right here at the Evergreen Forest Forest Bowl for a performance! I'll be sure to give ya two free tickets; hell, I'll even let you two backstage!"

Ralph sighed. "Oh goodness. I sure hope it'd be nothing like that one show he invited us to..." he whispered to Melissa.

Melissa had to agree with that. "How could I ever forget that?" It had been a show late last year at a club in the nearby sleepy village of Spruceton. Bert had invited the young couple and they had decided to go to actually see how good they were. It was just Ralph and Melissa's luck that Bert and his band decided to get drunk before the show...they'd started off fairly well, but they got worse and worse and more and more sloppy throughout the show until the encore performance, where partway through the particular song Bert and his band just went nuts. Don and Donny were barely playing their instruments at all, while Clancy was violently beating away at his drums and Bert was playing an ugly mishmash of random disjointed chords. The resulting sound was utterly horrendous-Ralph and Melissa nearly went deaf from the horrible cacophony. Bert and Clancy had certainly showed the sheer amount of ear-destructiveness that could be committed with just one guitar and one drum set. And the majority of the audience...loved it. They had wildly applauded the Flying Aces, some had actually asked for another encore. Bert went backstage after the show and passed out dead drunk; Ralph and Melissa had to carry him back home. Unlike, say, the night Ralph and Melissa had gotten together at the dance, for them, that was _not_ a night to remember.

Bert had overheard them. "Heh, don't worry, it won't be anything like that. You have the word of Bert Raccoon, Ace Metal God!" he enthusiastically exclaimed.

Ralph and Melissa just had to shake their heads-they didn't know how to respond to that. At that very moment, a car horn honked outside.

"Ah, that must be Don right now!" Bert excitedly exclaimed. He raced towards the door, Ralph and Melissa close behind him.

Bert opened the door, and sure enough, he could see the lights of Don's old 1970 Oldsmobile Delta 88. Bert knew for a fact that Don had recently restored that car, he'd actually helped him with the paint. Bert could see Don waving from the front seat at him. "Hey, Bert, we're here!" Don called out to him. "Come on, we're all ready to get to the big town. I saved you a seat up front next to me-Donny and Clancy were really trying to fight me over that!"

Bert knew it was nearly time to leave. But first, he had to say goodbye to his close friends and housemates...

"Well, Ralphie boy, Melissa, this is goodbye, I guess," Bert said, as he picked up his suitcase. "My future's waiting for me right over there in that car. I hope you two won't forget about me."

"We won't, Bert," Ralph assured him. "We could never forget about you. You're my oldest friend, Bert...I don't know how I'd have made it through those difficult high school years without your support. Thanks for all your help Bert...I really mean it."

"No problem, Ralphie boy," Bert said as he pulled in Ralph for a quick hug.

"See you around, Bert," Melissa added. "Hope you don't get yourself into too much trouble in Vancouver. The city's not that friendly, you know..."

"I'll manage," Bert said. "And hey, there's at least one positive for you two in this-you two have the Raccoondominium all to yourself right now. Think about tha-" At that moment, Bert was rather rudely interrupted as Don honked his horn at him.

"Hurry it up there, Bert!" he shouted loudly. "I want to get on the road as soon as possible as we need to get some gas pumped into this shiny little shitbox or else we'll run out! Plus, I do want to get to Vancouver before the sun rises..."

"If you don't hurry up," Donny shouted from the back seat, as he'd rolled down his window too, "we'll be glad to leave ya behind and hire a new guitarist to take your place! I'm sure there are plenty of talented young wannabe guitar gods willing to take your spot out in Vancouver!"

That thought scared Bert-the thought of him being replaced. No, they couldn't replace him-the Flying Aces were _his _band, he was the leader. Him not being in the band would be like Santa Claus minus his flying reindeer. It just couldn't possibly work. "Uh oh, I gotta go!" Bert panicked as he started to run off with his suitcase. He quickly turned to wave to Ralph and Melissa. "Bye, you two, see ya whenever we show up for our big show at the Forest Bowl!"

Ralph and Melissa waved back to him. "We'll see you, Bert," Ralph called to him.

"Don't forget to write!" Melissa shouted.

"You know I won't!" Bert hollered as he hurriedly threw his suitcase in the trunk and climbed into the car. With that, Don took off and headed out for the open highway. Soon, the rear taillights faded from Ralph and Melissa's vantage point.

* * *

><p>With that, the young couple went back inside and sat down on the sofa next to each other.<p>

"Well, Melissa, Bert's on his way to the city now," Ralph sighed. It was hard seeing his friend leave-there practically hadn't been a day Ralph had not seen Bert since they were in kindergarten. It was rather hard for him. "I do hope he manages to be smart and keep out of trouble..."

"Me too," Melissa agreed. "I think he'll be fine, if he can keep his head on straight. No guarantee with him."

Ralph had to laugh. "I know that all too well. It's just...you know...hard to see him leave. We grew up together, you know..." Ralph felt a little overwhelmed at this particular moment. "Bert did so much for me. If it weren't for him I probably would have killed myself in high school. Hell...if it weren't for him, I don't think I'd be here with you right now." Ralph sighed heavily.

Melissa saw the sadness in Ralph's eyes. "Aw, honey, cheer up there," she said to her husband, in a comforting tone as she placed a paw on his shoulder. "It's hard to see someone you've known your whole life leave, but it'll get better. Plus you'll at least still hear from him-he's still going to write to us every so often."

Ralph sighed. "Oh, I know, I know, dear. It's just going to be a little different getting adjusted to him not being around." He sounded quite sad.

Melissa suddenly remembered something Bert had been in the process of saying when Don had called for him to leave. "Say, Ralph," she said, slyly, "I know _something _that'll cheer you up..."

Ralph looked to his wife. "And what would that be?"

Melissa grinned cheekily. "You remember what Bert said right before he left, don't you...?"

Ralph thought for a moment, trying to think of what his old friend had said. "He told us he wouldn't forget to write, correct?"

Melissa did not like that particular answer. "Not quite, Ralph...think before that."

Ralph tried to think a little further before that. "I don't remember-funny enough, it was just a few minutes ago and I can't remember what he said."

Melissa decided to help him with that. "He said there was one positive thing about him leaving for the city. Know what that is?"

"Um, what would that be?" Ralph was a little confused.

Melissa promptly embraced Ralph and planted a rather passionate kiss upon his lips. "That answer your question?" she said in a rather...aroused tone.

Ralph felt _quite_ confused now. She had totally caught him by surprise. "I don't quite get what you're trying to get at..."

Melissa mentally slapped herself. She loved Ralph with all her heart, but sometimes he could be just so dreadfully _clueless_. "For someone who's supposed to be really smart, you sure are quite _slow_ sometimes..."

Ralph still wasn't sure what she was trying to grasp at. "What are you saying?"

"Ralph, now that Bert's gone, we have a lot more room for...heheh..._private _time together..."

"Oh!" Ralph exclaimed. "_Now _I see what you're getting at." Ralph did quite like that fact...he'd been more than a little afraid since he and Melissa had tied the knot that Bert would suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and come barging into their bedroom and catch them...in the act. But with Bert gone...

"Exactly! With Bert gone, we don't have to worry about him interrupting us, at least. You remember when he caught us making out while we were studying together, don't you...?"

Ralph could never forget that-that had been..._quite _the embarrassment for the two of them. "Oh boy...I'm not going to forget that anytime soon. Bert sometimes..."

"Well, we don't have to worry about that _now_, Ralph," Melissa giggled, as she pulled her husband closer to her as they shared another passionate kiss together. "So, Ralph, honey," Melissa said, gazing at her husband longingly, "what d'you say we go upstairs and christen those new bed sheets?"

Ralph _certainly _wasn't feeling depressed right now-he felt quite in the mood right now. "Those sheets? I'm _more _than ready, Melissa..."

Tonight was _definitely _going to be quite the night...

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Bert was lazing back in the passenger seat of Don's old Oldsmobile; just looking up at the night sky, at all the stars, stargazing.<p>

Bert felt a little bit saddened leaving his old home in the Evergreen Forest; so many memories there. So many things, friends, familiar places he'd be leaving behind. Vancouver would be a strange new place, full of strange people, strange new locations, and all sorts of stuff Bert had never encountered before. He felt...maybe just a _tiny _bit scared.

But, the future still seemed quite bright...as bright as that Cheshire Cat-esque moon up in the sky was. The stars in the night sky...Bert smiled gazing at them. He felt certain that someday, very soon, he could be a certain kind of star too. All the teenagers of the Western world would look up to him and want to be like him.

Bert didn't know what to fully expect upon their arrival in Vancouver...but he knew one thing for sure.

It would be one _hell _of an interesting experience.

**END CHAPTER ONE**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **And there's chapter one...a preview of things to come. Let me start by mentioning I decided to mash up the title between a title Kobe suggested for this (thanks to him) and the title of a Rush song (and album)...a song I feel really fits the mood of this fanfic, as it's a song about leaving the home one's familiar with for a strange new place. Fitting, don't you think?

While this story is mainly focused on Bert and his unfortunate misadventures in the city (and further misadventures trying to return home), there's also subplots back in the Evergreen Forest, one for Ralph's father Arthur, who you prominently met last time around (will be a very goofy suplot-which you can't really expect any less from a character like him-I mean, him being Homer-based and all, it would be quite difficult to have a serious plot dedicated to him) and one for Ralph and Melissa, focusing on their marriage and some initial problems with it. (Wasn't originally going to be in there, but Spiral/Grenzer liked how I wrote them last time around, and I figured I might as well write a subplot for them as well). No doubt Arthur's and Ralph and Melissa's subplots are going to intersect at some points-Bert's is going to be kept separate. This'll alternate between chapters-so some chapters are Bert's, some are Ralph and Melissa's, and some are Arthur's. Just giving a heads-up.

Figured the best way to initially begin this fanfic was having Bert looking back at the years and seeing how things played out. In other words, basically a mini-summary of Ralph's story. Just felt natural to me.

In case you are wondering-no, Clawhammer was not a real band. It's a fictitious band. There actually _was_ a band called Clawhammer (had to look it up in case one actually existed...not to mention their name had a space in it) but they were an obscure indie band from California in the 1990s...hope the members of that band don't find this fanfic and sue me for stealing their band's name (which wasn't intentional on my part).

Yup. Had to have Bert prank call poor old Mike one more time for old time's sake...but wait. This time it's not a prank call straight out of the Simpsons-this time, it's a completely new name never used on the Simpsons-Phil McCracken ("Fill my crack in", in case you couldn't possibly tell). Thought it was a funny name and I thought I'd try to be slightly more original than completely copping the Simpsons yet again.

Haha, that part with Ralph and Melissa...hey, I did have Ralph mention in that epilogue that that had been a positive of Bert leaving for Vancouver, kind of figured I had to write that part. (Cut it off before it became graphic, because, I'm not going to write anything extremely graphic of that nature. Not going to do it, sorry!)

And so, that's Chapter 1. Chapter 2 is to be more of another introductory chapter (introducing Bert's bandmates-as you need to see what they're like since they have semi-starring roles in this). Feel free to drop me a line!


	2. Chapter 2: Into The City

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: So, here is Chapter 2. Chapter 1 saw Bert leave the Forest with his bandmates, so Chapter 2 is another introductory chapter, introducing you to the band as they head to Vancouver (which they reach at the end of the chapter). Meet immature and brash Clancy, the alcohol-loving and just as immature Donny, and the misogynistic braggart Don Ringtail. Quite an...interesting cast, as you'll see.

**_Another Amazing Legal Disclaimer For Your Enjoyment_**_: I do not own the rights to the Raccoons, they belong to Kevin Gillis...well, I DO own the right to three out of the four characters focused on this chapter, I created them. Don Ringtail, Donny Davis, and Clancy Rogers are copyright of myself and can only be used for my permission (though seeing how they will be characterized, I'm not sure you'd want to use them...)_

_And now..._

**CHAPTER TWO: Into The City**

Standing on a stage.

Bert and the Flying Aces were backstage at a huge arena. This was to be the biggest concert of the band's career.

**"**Alright, fellows, are we ready?" Bert asked his bandmates inquisitively. They had rehearsed all day for this show, and they were about to give it their all. Bert already wasn't looking forward to heading out on the road again after this show-they had another big gig in Milwaukee in a little under 24 hours.

"We were born ready, Bert!" Donny Davis exclaimed jubilantly-Donny always was ready to put his all into a show.

"We certainly can't rehearse any further, they're expecting us up on stage any moment..." Clancy Rogers mused to himself-he was clearly suffering from pre-concert jitters. Clancy always was the nervous one in the band...

"I've done this God-only-knows how many times before, Bert," Don Ringtail remarked-he being by far the most experienced member of the band. "We'll knock 'em dead like we have every time before."

"Alright, gang," Bert said, with building anticipation to his voice. "Let's take this town!"

A loud voice came over the PA of the arena. "Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, our headlining act tonight, live from here at the Finchfield Coliseum, THE FLYING ACES!"

The audience uproariously applauded as the spotlights shone on Bert and his fellow bandmates. Bert stepped up to the microphone to the unanimous approval of the crowd. "Thank you, thank you! Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and hello Cleveland!" Bert gleefully shouted into his mic. "Are you ready to _rock_, Cleveland?"

The audience cheered.

"I can't hear you!"

The audience cheered louder. It sounded like they were screaming something, but Bert couldn't quite make out what they were shouting.

"I said I can't hear you!"

The crowd cheered even louder, but this time Bert could distinctively make out the phrase they were exalting throughout the stadium.

"Wake up, Bert! Wake up, Bert!" the crowd cheered.

"Huh...?" Bert was confused. Why would the crowd be telling him to wake up...?

"Wake up, Bert! Bert, wake up!"

* * *

><p>Bert suddenly found himself taking a punch to the arm. Not a massive punch, mind you, but more of a dull blow.<p>

"Hey, what the-?" Bert found Don staring him in the face.

"Haha, doze off there, sleepyhead?" Don laughed. "Well, Bert, we're here at the gas station."

Bert didn't remember falling asleep-he could remember stargazing out of the window while they were out on the highway, and then suddenly the next thing he knew he awoke to find Don punching him in the arm. "Oh, I must have dozed off there...heheh...sorry, Don," Bert chuckled.

"Ah, no problem. Take it you must not have gotten a lot of sleep back at that Raccoondominium place or whatever the hell it's called you lived at?"

"I'm not exactly a daytime sleeper..." Bert admitted. "Dammit, Don. Why the hell did you have to wake me up? I was having a really nice dream about us playing a huge gig in Cleveland..."

"Well, that dream'll be a reality, soon enough. I played Cleveland before ya know...it isn't exactly as great as it's made out to be. Anyways, I woke you up because we're here at the gas station. This is your last chance to get some snacks or something before we reach Vancouver. Don't ask me to stop at Burger Queen or anything like that along the way because that food will clog up your arteries faster than you count to ten," Don explained.

"Aw, but I like Burger Queen..." Clancy moaned from the back seat. "What if I get hungry along the way?"

"Too bad," Don growled at him. "Yours truly is strictly vegetarian, and I will not be making any pit stops there."

"Hmmph," Clancy growled to himself.

"I've got something I gotta get, heheh," Donny laughed as he stepped out the car and went inside the convenience station.

While Don was busy filling up the Oldsmobile with gas, Bert and Clancy conversed with each other.

"Didn't get much sleep there, eh, Bert?" Clancy asked earnestly.

"'Fraid not..." Bert sighed. "Like I said, I can't really sleep in the daytime."

"Heh, me neither," Clancy chuckled. "Didn't get one lick of sleep before we hit the road...ah, first thing I'll do once we get to that apartment is probably hit the hay..."

"Same here," Bert agreed. "I think that's what all of us'll do except for Don there," he said, pointing to Don out the window.

"Oh, I know. Don is _quite_ the night owl. Strange habits that guy's got. Sleeps in the daytime and stays up all night. Don't really know if I can live that lifestyle..."

"Well, we're going to have to learn to adapt to it, Clancy boy," Bert chuckled. "We'll be on the road all the damn time and we'll have to sleep at really odd hours. I just hope we can manage!"

"With time, I think we will," the beaver agreed.

At that moment, Donny came in from the convenience station carrying some things with him he'd purchased. "Heh, heh," he chuckled to himself as he opened the door and sat beside Clancy. "I knew they'd have this here!"

"And what, pray tell, might that be?" Don asked as he sat back in the driver's seat after paying for the gas.

"Why, none other than our nation's finest, Molson Canadian! Fresh on the shelves from the brewery. This beer makes me proud to be a Canadian. How would all of you like to try the best damn beer ever made?" the kangaroo queried his fellow bandmates.

Clancy scowled. "Ugh, you seriously bought that Molson crap? Oh, how I _hate_ that stuff! Why couldn't you have bought the good kind of beer, like that Snoup's Beer?"

Donny was outraged at Clancy's remark. "Blah! Snoup's? That stuff? I wouldn't drink _that_ shit in a million years! That stuff tastes like warm cat piss, y'know! What idiot would ever want to drink that stuff?"

Clancy glared angrily at Donny. "_This _idiot would, thank you very much!"

The two started angrily shouting at one another.

"You have no taste!"

"You wouldn't know good taste if it bit you in the ass!"

"You _wish _you had good taste!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you're-"

Don interrupted the two from their argument. "Alright, enough of this. Knock it the hell off, will you? You two are grown men, not spoiled rotten little children. You are acting like a bunch of brats over beer. Knock it off. I want to get to the city before sunrise and I don't need you two at each other's throats the whole way."

Clancy growled. "Sorry."

Donny grinned. "Well, now that that's settled, who here would like some of Canada's finest? Don, how about you? How would you like some Molson's?"

Don shook his head. "I'm sort of driving the car here, Donny, I really can't have alcohol while driving, can I? Didn't you ever see those videos they show you when you're learning to drive?"

"Uh, I think so. Are those the ones where they show the traffic accidents with the badly mutilated bodies?"

"Oh yes. _That's _exactly what I'm talking about. Would you like it to be us ground up all over the road?"

Don sneered at Donny, causing a look of unease to come across the kangaroo's face.

"No, no, I'd rather not."

"Good," Don grinned to himself.

Donny looked to Bert. "What about you Bert? Up for one of Canada's finest?"

Bert shrugged. "Eh, no offense there Donny, but I'm more of a Snoup's man myself..."

Donny _did _not like that answer. "I will _never _understand why you people would want to drink that crap..."

Bert decided to be polite and oblige Donny, for once. "But eh, what the hell. It's been a long time since I've had Molson's. Toss me one, if you don't mind."

"Here ya go," Donny said, tossing a beer can to Bert, as Bert cracked it open.

"Alright, let's hit the road," Don exclaimed. "It's a little bit past one o' clock in the morning and if we get back on the road now we can make it by sunrise."

"Good idea to me," Clancy said as they hit the road again.

* * *

><p>The miles were passing by as Bert continued to sip his beer while Donny and Clancy had quieted down in the backseat and had gone to sleep. Bert knew those two had never particularly liked one another, maybe it would do good to separate the two of them from time to time...<p>

"How are you holding up, Bert?" Don asked his fellow raccoon.

"Fine, I just can't wait 'til we get to the city..." Bert said.

"Eh, we'll be there soon enough. Give it about three more hours and we'll be there."

Bert had managed to get Don into his fold, but to tell the truth, he didn't truthfully know a whole lot about the elder raccoon. Bert figured he might as well take the opportunity to ask Don more about his past... "So, Don, you never told me," Bert began, "where exactly you're from originally. Where do you come from?"

Don thought for a minute. "Me? I'm from Willowdale, Ontario. That's just outside of Toronto, you know."

Bert thought that place sounded familiar. "Say, isn't that where-"

"-Adrenaline came from? Yes, that's the place," Don interrupted him. "Heheh, I actually went to high school with those guys. We were in the same grade, as I recall."

"Wow..." Bert was in awe of Don, as he had grown up alongside members of what was perhaps Canada's most infamous band of all time. He was already feeling quite envious of the older raccoon. "You actually went to school with Adrenaline?"

"Sure did," Don laughed. "Never really hung out with them, though. Talked with 'em a few times, though."

Bert didn't know how to respond to that..."Anyways, Don," Bert said, cautiously, "what made you want to take up a career in music?"

Don quickly glanced at Bert and returned his gaze to the road ahead as he spoke, "Well, I was raised by my mother and father there. I was about five or six years old when my dad got me a piano. It was 1958 or 1959, I can't remember. It wasn't something I wanted to pursue a career in at the time, though, I was actually debating following my dad into his career path. Dad was a cop on the local police force. I wanted to grow up to be like him."

"So if you grew up wanting to be a cop, what exactly made you decide to become a musician?"

"Well," the raccoon thought, "hmm...oh, yes. It was the spring of 1968. I happened to have some tickets to go see Coffee in the big city. You _do _know who Coffee were, right?"

Bert had heard of that band before. "That was the band Eric Clackton was in, wasn't it?"

Don nodded. "Yes, yes it was. It was the defining moment of my life. Eric, Jack Goose, Ginger Barker...that was the greatest band that ever existed. Bar none. One hell of a performance. Such a shame they broke up not long after that...ah, creative differences can be quite the undoing for a band. I knew right then and there, though, I wanted to be like them."

"I take it Eric Clackton was your idol then," Bert assumed.

"Absolutely! He was what I thought a guitar player should have been. I actually got to meet him once when I was on tour with Clawhammer. If I could have ever had one guitarist playing in a band with me, it'd have to be him."

Bert frowned. "I honestly never thought much of that guy. When I was a kid, I used to idolize Jimi Houndrix like you wouldn't believe!"

"Jimi was a hell of a guitarist, too," Don admitted, "never got to see him play though. Shame-he really was a hell of a guitarist. If only he'd have stayed away from those barbiturates..."

"I took it pretty hard when he died," Bert sighed. "Same when John Boneham died..."

"No offense, Bert, but you know, Steel Airship were a bunch of musical thieves. Stole a bunch of other people's songs and passed them off as their own. The thing that sickens me about 'em is that they actually got away with doing that bullshit." Don took this subject rather bitterly.

"That's what my friend Cedric told me," Bert replied, "but it can't really be true, can it?"

"Oh, you'd better _believe_ Cedric was right about that. That was wrong and they should have been sued into poverty for doing that. I wouldn't have minded seeing them jailed for doing that-I have _NO _respect for musical thieves like that."

Bert looked saddened to hear this. "That's pretty cold, Don..."

Don sighed. "I apologize, Bert, if it bothers you to hear somebody speak bad words about your heroes, but sometimes the truth hurts, y'know."

"I understand, Don," Bert sighed. He still didn't want to believe that. His heroes couldn't be musical thieves...it had to all be a big misunderstanding.

"So anyways, we were talking about how I got into music. Well, after seeing Coffee, I took up playing the bass guitar for a time. I could show ya sometime if you'd like..."

Bert was impressed. "You actually played bass?"

Don laughed. "I did, for a couple years anyway. I'm way out of practice, though-haven't played a guitar of any kind since I was twenty. Hard to believe that was already a decade ago..."

"Time sure does fly! I can't believe I'm already out of college..."

"Can't believe I'm already almost thirty-one years old," Don agreed. "I remember I had this group together when I was 16 and we tried to get this record contract. We sent 'em a tape of us trying to play 'Hey Jude' while we were higher than kites!"

Bert had to laugh at that. "I can only imagine what they thought of that!"

"Well, needless to say, we didn't get it. They told us that was the worst shit they'd ever heard-well, in more polite terms, at least. I still got that tape around somewhere-I oughta show it to you sometime. A very old shame of mine-I thought we sounded damned good back then. Of course, we didn't..."

Bert nodded. "I'll have to ask you about that sometime. So what happened after that?"

Don replied, "I gave up playing bass and went back to keyboards right at the end of high school. We heard these records by groups like Queen Scarlet, Revelation, No...you know, the prog rock groups. And we thought they were the greatest thing in the world. I was impressed at how they were mixing classical and rock music elements together. So I decided that's what my group would be. And you know the story from there, I showed you our records, didn't I?"

"Oh yeah," Bert chuckled. "But you never made it big commercially."

"No, but it was worth the effort. We moved to London in '72 after we cut our first album-we spent three years living in England. Had the opportunity to hang out with many different popular rock groups-I wouldn't trade that for the world."

"Who all did you hang out with?" the younger raccoon asked, quizzically.

"Oh, all sorts of 'em-Eric Clackton, the What, No, David Crowie...but by far my proudest accomplishment was getting to play alongside Keith Emerson. That was back when that meant something, y'know."

Bert looked puzzled. "Keith who?"

Don wasn't quite sure what to say. "Keith Emerson...surely you know who he is, right?"

Bert was confused. "Never heard of him."

Don felt like punching Bert-he didn't care that he was driving. If he could have punched Bert right then and there, he would have. "He was one of the trio Emerson, Lark, and Pawmer...you _have _heard of them, right?"

Bert shook his head. "No."

Don was taken aback. "...Well, never mind then! Let me just say that aardvark was one hell of a keyboardist. I'd say he's the only keyboard player better than me. Quite an honor playing alongside him. I will have to show you their music sometime, I suppose."

"I suppose so. So what made you come to the Evergreen Forest of all places after your band failed?"

"Well, I was going to retire from the music scene altogether. Figured I'd missed out on my shot to make something big. I figured we came onto the scene just as prog rock was being killed off as a genre. We were considered a dead horse band. So I decided I'd come to the Forest to be closer to my cousin Maxie and her young daughter. I presume you've met them?" Don asked.

Bert nodded. "I vaguely remember meeting them, yes..."

"Well, I just figured it'd be nice to be close to some of my family, you know. Hadn't seen Maxie in ages, so it was nice seeing her again. I figured I would maybe settle down there and leave my old life behind; maybe take that job as a policeman my dad always wanted me to be."

"Say, wait a minute, Don," Clancy said, as he'd just woken up and overheard Don and Bert's conversation from the front seat. "Don, your last name is Ringtail, right?"

"Correct."

"Any chance you're related to the Ringtail clan?" the beaver wondered.

"You mean the business tycoon family?" Bert said aloud. He'd wondered that himself, but he'd never asked Don personally.

"Yes," Don replied, firmly, "I am of the Ringtail clan. My rich uncle actually helped finance Clawhammer and helped us get our record contract. I convinced him that we'd be extremely successful and he'd make a massive profit as our financier. However, he cut off support for us when our records weren't selling-he didn't want to lose all the money he'd invested in us, so he cut support. Said it was the worst thing he'd ever done in business...needless to say, I haven't been welcomed by him since as I'm thought of as a failure-close to being the black sheep of the family. But hey," the raccoon chuckled. "With this band, if we find success, I might finally get the opportunity to stick it to him and show him how successful I really _can _be, heheh!"

Bert and Clancy laughed. "You'll show 'em, Don!"

* * *

><p>More miles passed. Bert was gazing out the window again. They'd been on the road about two and a half hours, and yet it felt they'd been driving a lot longer.<p>

"Will we ever reach the city...?" Bert thought to himself. It felt like they would never get there. Bert couldn't help but find his mind wandering. His thoughts turned to Ralph back home at the Raccoondominium...

"I wonder how Ralph's going to take all this," he uttered, aloud, not aware Don and Clancy were listening (Donny was still fast asleep, still clutching his beer).

"Ralph? You mean that guy you lived with back in the Forest, right? The one who just got married?" Don asked.

"Yeah," Bert answered lowly. "We've been friends for ages...we haven't really been apart for too long...I wonder how he'll cope with me being gone?" Bert _certainly _had no way of knowing his friend had taken advantage of the opportunity to show his wife how much he loved her...

"Eh, I'm sure he'll do fine," Don said, idly. "Ralph seems to be an alright guy. I'm sure he can handle himself."

"I don't know," Bert sighed, "I wish he had come along with us..."

"Gee, I _really _do appreciate knowing that you would have rather had him in the Flying Aces over me, Bert!" Clancy remarked in the back seat in a voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm. Clancy _knew_ that Bert had preferred Ralph to himself, and that he had only been chosen for the band as Ralph had refused to join.

"Well, he was a good drummer, you know...plus a good songwriter. He would have managed to fit in with us..."

"Look, Bert," the beaver remarked, "I have absolutely nothing against Ralph. Hell, my father and his father are drinking buddies, so I got to know him fairly well! He always had it hard in high school and I never really thought that was fair, so I am glad to see life is really turning around for him. But for Pete's sake, Bert, why the hell would you want _him _over _me_? He didn't even want to go on the road-he doesn't even like the rock 'n' roll lifestyle. What would you want him for? I mean, hell, if he wants to stay home with his wife, he has the right to do that, ya know."

"Good point, if he doesn't want to be the Canadian Keith Reed, he doesn't have to be," Don agreed.

Bert was confused yet again. "Keith who?"

It took all Don could muster to suppress the urge to scream his head off at Bert. "Lord Almighty, Bert, you really _don't_ know a lot about the unsung heroes of rock and roll...you have a _lot _to learn."

Bert was still unsure what the elder raccoon was talking about. "Huh?"

Don sighed. "Never mind. Hey, Bert, if you really wanted to have Ralph come to the city as well, I know something you could have done that would have made him come..." he chuckled.

"Really now. What would that be?" Bert was quite curious.

"You know that new wife of his, eh, what's her name?"

"Melissa," Bert answered, "I'm glad to see Ralph got her. He had to go through a lot to get her!"

"Yeah, whatever. You know, Bert, if you had kidnapped Melissa and held her for ransom in the city, I'm pretty certain that would have made Ralph come to the city to go get her!" Don guffawed with laughter. "Haha! But of course, that would be illegal." He smirked. "Say, something like that would make a great idea for a song, don't you think? Bert, you have to remind me of that, I need to write that down!" the older raccoon chuckled.

Clancy and Bert were both surprised, completely unsure what to make of Don's disturbed statement.

"I couldn't do that, Don, Ralph would kill me if I tried to do that. He loves her, after all-and I'm pretty sure he'd have me locked up forever if I did something like that! Couldn't do _that_ to him," Bert said, plainly.

"Heheh. Love," Don chuckled.

"Good grief, what the hell is wrong with you, Don?" Clancy exclaimed, more than a little disgusted at Don's snide comment. "That-that's messed up! What kind of depraved bastard are you?"

"I'm not depraved," Don laughed. "I'm just really, really _eccentric_. _Special_, if you will. At least that's what Cousin Maxie says I am."

"More like highly disturbed," the beaver sneered.

"Seriously though," Don said, trying to change the subject, "I have nothing against Ralph. I like the kid-I like the fact that someone of your generation has a genuine interest in poetry. Too bad he made the decision to get married."

"What do you mean, 'too bad he got married'?" Bert said, warily.

"He's made a bad decision. He's totally head over heels for her and he's just setting himself up for a big fall. He doesn't even realize she's only after his finances. You wait a year or two. Melissa will have poor Ralph completely cleaned out and he'll be a broken shell of a man. It's quite a pity."

Clancy scowled. "What the hell are you going on about?"

Bert didn't understand what Don was saying. "Why would Melissa do that? He loves her and I know she loves him too. She wouldn't do _that _to him."

Don laughed. "Well, then she really _is_ the Great Deceiver!"

"What?"

"She has poor Ralph-and both of you-fooled. Look at him. All she has to do is bat her eyelashes at him and he's pretty much putty in her paws. Sickens me. She's leading him up to a fall. Getting married was the worst mistake Ralph could ever make, it could be a fatal one if he isn't careful..."

Bert was somewhat aghast. "You don't really think that, do you, Don...?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do. Seen it happen before, to one of my high school friends. He was in my band in high school, left right after high school to go get married. Never played music again. Come to find out three years later she had divorced him, taken everything, and he jumped off an office building and killed himself to keep her from getting it. It's happened too many times. She pulls at his heartstrings to get to his wallet. I think it's safe to say that's what'll happen here too, you watch."

Clancy was quite taken aback. "Don, are you a sexist?"

"No," Don firmly answered. "I just don't really have any respect for women. I have no time for one of them. Had a few bad experiences with them back in my school days, enough for me to realize they're not worth it. You can't trust them, not for a moment. The only women I trust are my mother-may she rest in peace!-and my cousin, well, as they're my family, and I respect all my family-except for my uncle of course. Bastard," Don growled.

"Holy _shit_, Don," Clancy groaned. "You really _are _a sexist!"

"And it sounds to me like someone's bitter," Bert said, observing something-for once.

"No, there's a difference between being a sexist and being what I am. I'm not against women having equal rights as us, I just don't like 'em to begin with."

"Ah," Clancy said, realizing something. "So you are a woman-hater."

"In a way, yes," Don said, not batting an eye, his gaze still intently focused on the road ahead. "I suppose I am. I mean, there's nothing wrong with having flings every now and then. Nothing wrong with 'em at all. It's when you get attached is when you're setting yourself up for a fall..."

"Don, if everyone in the world was like you," Clancy growled, "then nobody in the world would find happiness."

"You don't think that it might be possible that Ralph and Melissa might actually love one another?" Bert questioned.

"No, I don't, because love doesn't exist. It's a myth," Don tried to explain, "a myth created by those big corporations. They try to get you believe in that stuff-they don't know how much harm it causes."

"Good heavens, Don, that's enough," Bert said, not really wanting to hear any more out of Don.

"Sorry," Don apologized. "Got carried away there, but you get what I'm saying, don't you?"

Bert sighed. "I suppose..."

Clancy looked at Donny, who was still asleep. He was surprised the kangaroo had not woken up with all their racket-Donny must have been a heavy sleeper. "You better not write any songs about stuff like that, Don..."

"Hah, don't worry, I wouldn't write about that. I think I have an idea on what'll sell, and what won't."

Clancy, noticing Donny was fast asleep, saw his beer unguarded. He saw what he felt was an opportunity...

"Heheh..." he chuckled to himself as he grabbed the beer and rolled down his window.

"Bombs away!" the beaver shouted as he flung the pack of Molson's out the window as it crashed onto the road.

Donny woke up. "Huh, what the hell? CLANCY!" the kangaroo angrily screamed at his bandmate. "YOU THREW MY BEER OUT THE WINDOW, DIDN'T YOU?"

"Sure did," Clancy smugly smirked. "Tired of seeing that cheap Molson's crap when you could be drinking Snoup's..."

"I'll kill you, you bastard! I swear on my mother's grave when we get to Vancouver I'm going to shove your head so far up your ass I'll-"

Bert sighed. "Oh boy. There they go again..."

Don laughed. "They're almost like brothers fighting with one another. Don't worry, I know how to handle this...hey, Clancy?"

"What?" Clancy said as Donny briefly released the beaver from the headlock he had placed him in.

"Remember when you once told me you had a dream of running all the way across this country, from Vancouver all the way to Halifax?" Don sneered.

"Yeah, I do. I've always wanted to do that-don't ask me why, I just do."

"Well, Clancy," the raccoon laughed, "you may be about to get that chance. How would you like the opportunity to live out your dream?"

"No fooling? You could really make that happen?" Clancy's interest had definitely been piqued. Bert's was too. What was Don about to tell his bandmate?

"Sure, I can. All you have to do is make another peep the rest of this ride and I will be pulling over to the side of the road and dumping you off there. You can hitchhike your way to Vancouver-hope you don't mind the fact that most hitchhikers are serial killers!"

Clancy gulped. "Eh-heh, I'll be good, Don..."

Donny laughed at Clancy. "Won't be too much longer before you're out _walking_, Clancy..."

Don spoke harshly to Donny as well. "That goes for you too, Donny. If you two both don't shut up and stop arguing with each other at every turn, I'm pulling over and making you both walk there. You _don't_ want _that_, d'you...?" he said in an ominous tone.

The rather frightened pair nodded their heads in unison. "Y-y-yes, Don..."

"Good," Don said as the duo in the back seat slunk back into their seats in silence.

"You sure know how to handle them, Don!" Bert complimented. "And I was told _I_ was immature..." he chuckled.

"Heh-heh, I sure do..."

* * *

><p>It wasn't much longer before they could see the bright lights of the big city ahead...<p>

"Ah, there it is, gang!" Bert excitedly exclaimed. They were almost there. "Vancouver..." Bert's future was rapidly closing in on him.

"Always did love the city," Don admitted. "I sort of grew up in one-I'll always consider myself a city child. No offense to you Bert, but I don't understand how you and Ralph and that Cedric friend of yours ever managed to deal with living in that Forest. A few years there nearly drove me bonkers!"

"It's not bad at all if you grow up there, you get used to it," Bert smiled. "But still, there's such a big opportunity here that you don't have in the Forest!"

"Yep," Donny agreed. "I always thought the Forest sucked. It was even smaller than my hometown of Spruceton! There's like _nothing_ there outside of a few millionaires! I only went to Evergreen U 'cause it was close to home."

"I'll say," Clancy added, "I don't hate the Forest but there's a lot more to do in Vancouver! What do I have to look forward to staying in the Forest...following in my dad's footsteps and working for J. Marvin Mills at that stupid upholstery company? That shady bastard? Pah! I have better things to do in life." The beaver smirked. "Plus there's a lot of beautiful women in the city, can't go wrong with that."

"Oh hell yeah," Donny agreed with Clancy-for once.

"You can never go wrong with a bunch of pretty girls," Bert smirked.

"Well, here we are!" Don exclaimed as they slowly made their way into the city.

_Come along_

_Into the city_

_Where the girls are pretty_

_And you can't go wrong..._

Bert was amazed at the sights of the city at night. Even at night time there was such hustle and bustle. Bert had been to Vancouver numerous times in the past, so this wasn't the first time he had set his eyes upon the sights and his ears upon the sounds of the city, but still, he was always amazed at city life. It was so different from life in the country, so...enticing...

_Take your time_

_No need to hurry_

_Don't have to worry_

_'Cause it won't take long..._

Bert looked out the window to see the sights that lay before him...

_Well, you can surf in the sea, and you can swim in the pools_

_Do anything you wanna 'cause there ain't no rules_

_Drive your super-stock carbur to the long highway_

_And you can drag..._

_In the city, everybody's right_

_The kids are hip and they can dance all night_

_In the city, all the girls are pretty_

_And they go..._

People gathered on the street corners. Merchants selling their wares on the street sides. Groups of girls gathered around each other chatting with one another, out early in the morning. People heading out to their jobs. Clubs blaring loud music that was audible to Bert. Billboards advertising the latest in great lines of products you simply _had _to have to be hip...

_In the city, into the city_

_In the city, into the city_

_In the city, into the city_

_In the city, into the city..._

Bert was tired from a lack of sleep and eager to get to the apartment so he could get some rest, but he could still hardly contain his excitement...

"_My future is here..._" he thought to himself...

**END CHAPTER TWO**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well, there's chapter two...not an outstandingly exciting chapter, but this was a rather necessary one-seeing as Bert's bandmates had yet to be introduced, I pretty much had to introduce them-would you like me to jump into the action without introducing them first? You get an idea of what their characters are like...The musical references should be expected to, seeing as Bert is part of a band...

Bert dreaming about playing in Cleveland...you'll remember in the episode "_Sweet Smell Of Success_" the pigs offering Bert and his friends a contract to work for Cyril Sneer that would lead them to play their music all around the world. Where was Bert most excited about performing? Cleveland. So I figured I would have him dreaming of playing there. I don't know why but it seems to be common in fiction for Cleveland to be admired for some unknown reason. I'm certain it's an alright place, but not as amazing as fiction would have you believe..."Finchfield Coliseum" is the Richfield Coliseum, which was the main place one would go to see a concert in Cleveland for years-it no longer exists, however, as it was torn down a decade ago.

Don's encounters with bands-figured I'd show him as a braggart. Bands he refers to include Rush (called "Adrenaline"), Cream (called "Coffee" here-the band Eric Clapton was in the 1960s-lasted only a couple of years but were extremely influential in the process), Jimi Hendrix (well, duh...), Led Zeppelin ("Steel Airship"-and no, my opinions do not match Don's opinion of them-I actually don't mind writing a character with opposite vantage points from my own-some people do, though), King Crimson ("Queen Scarlet), Genesis ("Revelation"), Yes ("No"), the Who ("The What"), and Emerson, Lake, and Palmer ("Emerson, Lark, and Pawmer"-an infamous progressive rock band that some music critic recently claimed to be the second worst band of all time behind the Insane Clown Posse. The same critic put the Doors on his 50 worst list of all time too, so, I wouldn't take stock in him...most famous for having written the song "Lucky Man", which appeared on an episode of the Simpsons as Homer sings along to that song on his car's radio (well, actually, he sings the infamous synthesizer solo at the end-thanks Homer, now every time I hear that song I'll be tempted to sing that part of it too and make an ass of myself...)). I also showed Don to be quite the misogynist...I didn't want to make him a particularly likable character from the get-go. I also realized with his last name that he had to be related to the Ringtail family from Kobe's fanfic...credit goes to him there.

And that song you see right at the end..."_In The City"_ by the Who, a very obscure B-side of theirs from 1966. I felt this song was a perfect fit for Bert and his band arriving in the city as it shows a wide-eyed idealist view of city life, which undoubtedly matches Bert's at the time. (By the time of the series, it'll flip 360 degrees to where he hates the city, and this fanfic will DEFINITELY show why...) It sounds like an almost perfect Beach Boys knock-off-I'll never pass up a good Beach Boys knock-off. I almost wonder if this song is supposed to be sarcastic, considering the track record of John Entwistle (the song's writer)...

Anyways, that's chapter 2-chapter 3 will be coming soon, introducing Ralph's father Arthur's subplot.**  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3: Memories

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Well, I think I've kept you waiting long enough for this chapter, haven't I? It's been two months since I've updated this story, and in the meantime I wrote my own version of "Wonderful Life" for the Raccoons in that time period. But now, it's time for me to get off my lazy butt and continue this story-we have a _LOOOOONG_ way to go. Last chapter, we met Bert's bandmates as they made their way to the city of Vancouver, but for this chapter, as I promised, we'll be heading back to the Evergreen Forest to check on things going on back in there. I'll already announce I've changed my ideas behind this particular subplot. I originally intended for it to star Ralph's father Arthur, but then it was brought to my attention (thanks RandyRingtail) that Arthur really isn't a strong enough character to really have his own subplot to himself. So I've decided the main focus of this particular subplot will be the character of Melissa's father, Mike Mulligan, since he comes across as more of a fully realized character. Arthur, I suppose, will be the comic relief of sorts. With that announced...

**_Another Awe-Inspiring Legal Disclaimer: _**_I do not own the rights to the Raccoons, they are copyright of Kevin Gillis, a man who the more I learn about him and his recent doings the more I want to punch him in the face...but I digress. I do own the rights to Mike Mulligan, Arthur Raccoon, and his two drunken pals Henry and Peter, as well as some other characters you'll see in this chapter. Also, I feel I should say that this chapter is quite considerably on the emotional side...seeing as this chapter showcases a lonely man and his love for his daughter. Might potentially stir up some emotions in some of you..._

**CHAPTER THREE: Memories**

Meanwhile, back in the Evergreen Forest, one lonely raccoon was resting on the couch of his lonesome abode. Sitting back, gazing out the window at the stars. A saddened look plastered across his face. Mike Mulligan glanced at the television blaring softly in front of him briefly; then he turned his gaze back towards his window. It may have been five o'clock in the morning, but he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep and highly doubted he would tonight. He'd been having trouble sleeping for the past couple of months, and as a result, he had started becoming more cranky, irritable, and depressed than he normally was.

That time period was significant because it had been two months since his life at home had changed. Two months ago, his daughter, Melissa, had gotten married to the man she said she had felt was the love of her life, the raccoon who had captured her heart, Ralph. Mike had to give his beloved daughter away at her wedding as she was no longer his responsibility anymore; she was Ralph's. The last time he had seen her had been the day after their wedding when they had gone on their honeymoon to Mt. Vulcan. And Mike knew full well what went on up there. He had recently learned that the place was where approximately half of the Forest's natural residents had gotten their head starts in life. He already had a feeling that one day, perhaps not too far off in the near future, his own grandchildren would be conceived up there. Afterwards, she had gone to live with her husband and his close friend Bert at their home, the Raccoondominium. Since then, even though she'd promised she would visit once in a while, Melissa had yet to show up on his doorstep. She had only called him a couple of times over those few months, asking if he was well. The last time they had spoke over the phone, she'd told him that Bert would be leaving the Raccoondominium to head to Vancouver to try to become a rock star. Mike realized that today was the day she said he would leave. He had a feeling Ralph and Melissa had celebrated Bert leaving...in bed together. The thought made him want to gag. Since he had called her last about two and a half weeks ago, he hadn't heard from her at all. The aging raccoon couldn't help but wonder if she would eventually forget about him altogether. The thought saddened him...and besides, he couldn't help but fear that Ralph would break her heart in the long run...

_'__Why am I worrying so much?_' Mike thought to himself as he rubbed his one eye, sleepily. It seemed so silly to worry himself so much about Melissa. After all, she wasn't a little girl anymore; she was a fully grown woman of nearly twenty-four now. Cheerful, friendly, smart, and with a very strong head planted firmly on her shoulders. She was certainly capable of taking care of herself. Melissa was very eager to see where life would take her. Eager to find a lasting career. Eager to see what life with her new husband would bring her. She told Mike she hoped she would be with Ralph until the day she died. _'I should be happy for her; she's off living her life_ _now, married to the man of her dreams. Why should I be so worried about her?_'

It also didn't seem to make much sense why he should doubt Ralph. Compared to her past boyfriends, Ralph seemed completely non-threatening and harmless. It seemed pretty understandable to Mike why Melissa loved him so much. He seemed to be extremely kind, polite, and, unlike her boyfriends from her school days, an actual gentleman. (Not to mention that Melissa had always thought of him as being, in her words, "really cute"; while Mike couldn't really say that about Ralph himself, he certainly was not incredibly hideous, so that was at least a plus.) It had actually come as a surprise to Mike that Melissa had taken an interest in him in the first place; in high school, she'd never really had an interest in Ralph's type, the "nerdy" type, if you will. When she was in high school Mike had always felt his daughter had a rather poor taste in men; she seemed to like the loud, obnoxious, arrogant, rebellious type. Compared to them, Ralph _definitely _had to be considered an improvement. And unlike her previous boyfriends, Ralph actually really and truly seemed to care for her-it seemed reasonable to believe he really loved her. He had told Mike he did several times, plus he had seen the two be rather affectionate with one another during the time they had been dating. In a way, they seemed to be a match made in heaven. Not to mention Ralph had mentioned on several occasions the fact that he had a dream to one day be the editor of a big newspaper, and he hoped to be able to soon find a job writing professionally for one. All in all, it was quite logical to assume Ralph was a very good-hearted young raccoon with a very bright future awaiting him. In more ways than one, the perfect man for his daughter. Mike _should_ have been thrilled that Melissa had married him.

_'__So why aren't I_?' Mike thought as he yawned. _'There's no reason I should doubt him at all. I'm sure Ralph will show my little angel the same love and care for her as a husband that I showed her as a father her whole life...right?_' Mike sighed. _'But I can't help but be __nervous about him. She is my little girl, after all. Even if she's all grown up now, in my mind __she'll always be my little girl. I really do hope Ralph appreciates what he has...because if he ever comes to neglect her __like I think he might...I'm gonna make sure there'll be HELL to pay..._'

Mike really and truly felt completely alone in the world right now. He had never felt like that. In the past, he'd always had Melissa for company; she had always listened to him. But now, he felt as if everything in the world that had ever had a place in his somewhat rocky hard heart had left him. The only way he could really cheer himself up at all was to think back on all those years he'd spent raising Melissa...Mike closed his eye as his mind drifted off into his memories...

* * *

><p>It all started on November 25, 1960. Mike was pacing nervously throughout the waiting room of the hospital in his hometown of Louisville, Kentucky. His wife, Allison, had gone into labor, and he had brought her to the hospital where their child would be born. They had only been married a few months since Mike had been forced into marrying her as he had made the mistake of getting her pregnant. He'd wondered why they wouldn't let him be there with Allie while she was giving birth, but he decided not to fight and stayed in the waiting room, hoping for the good news.<p>

Soon enough a nurse came into the waiting room, "Mr. Mulligan?" she asked.

Mike became anxious. "Yes?" he asked.

The nurse smiled. "It's a beautiful baby girl, Mr. Mulligan. Would you like to see her?"

Mike was excited. "Would I? No kiddin'?"

The nurse nodded. "No kidding. Come, follow me."

Mike followed the nurse into the delivery room where his wife was laid up in a hospital bed, holding a crying young raccoon kit wrapped up in a bundle.

"Here she is, honey," Allie said to her husband, sounding a bit woozy and tired out as she handed him the bundle. Mike took a look at his new daughter and smiled at her.

"She's the most precious thing I've ever seen, Allie. She's got your eyes," he smiled at Allie.

"She's our daughter, Mike. Our daughter." Allie could not have been any happier. "What do you think we should call her, honey?" she asked.

Mike wasn't exactly good with coming up with names, so he decided he would let her name their daughter. "I'll leave it up to you, darlin'. What do you think her name should be?"

Allie thought for a moment. "My grandmother, Melissa Ringtail, passed away just about a month ago...I used to love hearing her tell her old stories to me when I was a little girl..." She smiled. "I think I'll call her...Melissa. What do you think?"

Mike smiled. "Melissa Mulligan. Sounds perfect to me." This was certainly the high point of Mike's entire life. He had already made a number of mistakes in his short life, but this certainly made up for them. He had never been happier in his whole life-and neither had Allie.

Sadly for Mike, their happiness would not last very long. Allie soon found out her cancer began while she was pregnant and it was already too late to even begin to hope to treat her. She only had a couple months left. She didn't seem very sick while she was pregnant, but soon her health absolutely nosedived and she spent most of her time confined to her bed. Mike couldn't understand why this was happening to him. He didn't know why his life had to go from an absolute high to a living nightmare in a flash.

Soon, Allie became so weak she couldn't leave her bed at all. She was very close to the end. One day, Mike was sitting at her bedside, as he had done most of the time she had been ill. He'd only left her side to take care of Melissa during that time period. Today, Allie looked the worst she had ever looked. She looked so frail, so fragile. It seemed she didn't have long left.

"Mike..." Allie weakly spoke to her husband.

"Yes, Allie?" Mike said as softly as he could.

"Mike...I don't think I have much longer left...I want to get better...but...there's nothing I can do...there's nothing you can do...I've just gotten worse and worse..."

"Allie, you're not gonna die," Mike defiantly said. "You're gonna beat the odds. Miracles do happen, right?" He could always hope...

"No, Mike...I'm afraid there isn't going to be a miracle..." Allie said, sadly.

Mike sighed. "But you can't leave, darlin'. We're supposed to grow old together, ain't we? We're supposed to see our daughter grow up together, ain't we?"

Allie glanced at Mike. "I suppose I'm needed up in heaven...more than I am here on Earth..." she coughed. "Don't worry, Mike...I'll be waiting for you when you go, too..." She coughed heavily again. "Mike...I want you to promise me something...please..."

"What d'ya have in mind?"

"Mike..." she began, "please...promise me this...promise me you'll look after...Melissa...promise me you'll take good care of her...promise you won't let anything happen to her...I want her to grow up knowing who her father is...promise me, Mike..." she pleaded.

Mike jumped. "Wha-wha-What? How can I take care of her? I don't know anything about raising a kid! How the hell am I ever gonna be able to raise her like I were you?"

Allie frowned. "Mike..."

Mike sighed. "Alright, Allie. I promise I'll take care of 'er. I won't let anything happen to her. She'll grow up to be as fine of a woman as you were. You have my word."

Allie smiled, faintly. "Thank you, Mike..." With that, she closed her eyes as her paw went limp in his. She was gone.

Mike burst into tears. "Oh, Allie..." he sobbed.

After his wife had passed on, Mike had found it quite difficult to raise Melissa all by himself. He had to assume all the duties a mother normally would have. He had to change every diaper himself. Clean up every mess she made when she ate. More than once, he had gotten puked on. He had to comfort her at night when she wouldn't stop crying some nights. Mike wondered if this was really all worth it...

Before he knew it Melissa was walking on her own for the first time. She seemed very curious about things and she loved to play, but she frequently tired poor Mike out. He still wondered if this was really worth it or not raising her all by himself. He even began to debate on whether or not he should give her up to someone who could take care of her better than he could...

Then when she was about a year and a half old, Mike caught her trying to say something.

"Da...da..."

"Oh my god, her first word," Mike shouted. "I wonder what it is she's trying to say."

"Da...da..." she said again.

"Yes?" Mike said, looking to her.

"Da...Daddy!" Melissa smiled at him.

That was probably the happiest Mike had ever felt since his wife had died. "What d'ya know. I was her first word!" Mike beamed as he scooped his little girl up into his arms.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!" she giggled. This little moment removed all doubt in Mike's mind. It had made all those hard times he had experienced while she was an infant worth it. He knew, right then and there, that there was no way he could give her up for adoption. She had already grown attached to him and he was starting to grow quite fond of her as well. It would be wrong to give Melissa away, and dishonorable to Allie.

Melissa soon grew bigger as Mike looked on. As she grew older, Mike shared a very special bond with his little girl. They shared many special moments together. He smiled in the present day as he remembered those moments. Her going for a piggyback ride on his back. The two of them singing Christmas carols together. He remembered reading storybooks to her as she would always ask him for more when he was through with one. The two of them playing in the local park together. But one memory REALLY pained Mike-when she was about three and a half years old...

"Daddy," Melissa had asked him one day.

"Yes, Melissa?" he smiled.

"Daddy...where's Mommy?" Mike was taken aback at that question.

"Where's Mommy?" Mike repeated. He didn't know how to answer that question.

"Yes, Daddy. All the other kids I know have a mommy and a daddy. I heard all kids have mommies and daddies. Where's my Mommy? Why don't I have one?" she innocently asked. That was the most heart-wrenching question Mike had ever been asked in his life. He hadn't prepared himself how to answer this one, as she had never asked until now. But he tried the best he could...

"You _did_ have a Mommy, Melissa. You did," he said, solemnly.

"Oh, can I see her then? I want to see her," she said, excited.

"I'm afraid you can't see 'er Melissa. Your mommy..." he stopped, trying to think of what to say to a three and a half year old, "...went to heaven to be with God and the angels."

"Oh," Melissa said, looking disappointed. Then she turned around and asked, "Will she come back?"

"No, Melissa, I'm afraid she won't come back. She's needed there more than she was here," he sighed heavily.

"Will I get to see her someday?"

"If you're good, you will," Mike replied.

"Oh, okay..." Melissa said, looking a bit sad. "I wish she was here..."

"I wish she was here, too, Melissa," Mike sighed. "But don't worry. I'll always be here for you. I won't ever leave you."

"Thanks Daddy," Melissa smiled. "I love you, Daddy," she said as she extended her small arms out for a hug.

"I love you too, sweetheart," Mike smiled as he hugged his young daughter.

Mike and Melissa remained pretty happy for a couple more years, but something soon threatened their happiness. America was currently engaged in a war overseas in Vietnam. They were afraid that communism would envelop the entirety of Asia and perhaps the world if they didn't do something about it, so they had stepped in to help out. They had instituted the draft, sending off young men to Vietnam without letting them decide whether or not they actually wanted to fight. Mike knew full well about the draft. He had seen a few of his friends get drafted and die in combat. They had come home in wooden boxes. His own younger brother, Scott, had been drafted into the war as well, against his own will. Mike realized they would probably try to draft him at any moment, too. But he _couldn't_ be drafted. Melissa would be left all alone at home with no one to take care of her. Mike was crushed thinking about what would happen if he were to be killed overseas. Melissa would be left an orphan, and as far as he knew, the rest of his family had all died off save for him and his brother, not to mention, Mike had grown estranged from Allie's family. So they would not take Melissa in either. Mike realized she would be placed in an orphanage. He and Scott had spent some time in an orphanage themselves when they were little as their parents had died when they were young. He'd known the horrors of such a place first hand. He didn't want that to happen to Melissa. Plus, he felt allowing himself to be drafted would be breaking his promise to Allie on her deathbed. He couldn't let anything happen to Melissa, no matter what. Mike may not have been the nicest man around, but he would never allow himself to break a promise he'd made. He was too honor-bound.

So when the army came looking for him to draft him, Mike thought up a quick lie. He claimed that he was a homosexual. He knew that the military didn't draft homosexuals at the time, so it was the first thing he could think of. He even managed to get a friend of his to vouch for him by claiming that he was a former lover. The army bought it and left him alone-for the time being. But not long after, he received horrible news that Scott had been killed in combat. He had been trying to protect an injured comrade and had left himself wide open to being shot by the Viet Cong. Scott had been engaged to be married, at the time, and his fiancee was devastated to learn the horrible news, as was Mike. Scott had posthumously received the Medal of Honor for his bravery and disregard for his own life to help save a comrade, and Mike had been given the medal as he was the closest living relative. Scott's death left Mike and Melissa as the last two living Mulligans alive, as far as he knew.

Things got even worse as the army figured out his ruse and discovered Mike was _not_ a homosexual; he had lied to them. To make matters worse, Mike, despite missing one eye, was physically fit enough for combat duty, so the army was preparing to draft him without him having a say-so in the matter. Mike had to think fast to avoid being drafted. He could not let Melissa become an orphan, under any circumstances.

Luckily for him, he overheard from a friend that those who wanted to avoid the draft could run away to Canada where the army could not touch them. However, the moment one of them stepped back into the US, they were liable to be arrested for dodging military service. If he chose this option, Mike would have to leave America, his home country-possibly forever. He would never see the friends he knew again, he'd never see his hometown of Louisville again. However, if he chose to stay, he would be drafted for sure and Melissa stood a great chance of being left completely alone and abandoned. It was a very difficult choice-his country or his daughter. He had only a short time to make it, but when he did, he felt it was the right one...

It was one early August morning in 1968, when Mike shook seven year old Melissa out of bed. "Melissa, wake up, honey!" Mike calmly exclaimed, as he was carrying a suitcase in his paw.

Melissa yawned. "Why are you carrying that suitcase, Daddy?"

"Melissa..." Mike began. He didn't know exactly what to tell her. This would be very sudden for her, but he hoped she would understand. "We have to leave Louisville. We can't stay here anymore. If we stay here, there's a chance you might never see me again. I don't want that to happen..."

Melissa was confused. "But where are we going, Daddy? If we can't stay here, where will we go?"

"Melissa, we're movin' to Canada. You know where Canada is, right?"

"Of course I do, Daddy. We looked at it on a map together!" she smiled. But then her smile quickly faded. "But...why do we have to go to Canada? I like where I live. I don't want to leave my friends from school behind. Why is it we can't stay?"

"If we stay here, the army will get me. We have to leave, Melissa," Mike sighed. This was harder than he had thought.

"Can't you work things out with the army?" Melissa asked.

"It's not that simple. Hurry, Melissa, we've got to get movin' if we're gonna catch that plane to Toronto."

Melissa sighed. "Alright, Daddy..." she said, shedding a few tears.

They managed to catch the plane just in time and soon arrived in Toronto before they knew it. Over the next couple years Mike and Melissa moved around from city to city until at last, in 1971 they had finally settled down in Prince Rupert, British Columbia. Mike had decided to open up a bar in town even though he had no experience. He figured it would be a decent way to support himself and his daughter. Melissa had a hard time adapting to her new surroundings at first, as she had constantly cried that she wanted to go back home, but after a while she had managed to adapt quite nicely. She actually ended up liking her new surroundings better than her old home. Things seemed fine in Mike's world.

But before he knew it, Melissa was a teenager. This was sure to be a hellish time in his life, Mike quickly realized. Turning thirteen brought her into her adolescence. Coming into her adolescence meant that soon enough, boys would start turning up at Mike's doorstep as she would be going out on dates. He had no clue how to prepare himself for this situation. It wasn't very long at all before one did turn up at his door one day.

"Who's that at the door? I ain't expectin' any visitors today," Mike growled.

Melissa excitedly dashed for the door from upstairs at a rather high rate of speed. "Ooh, my date's here!" she gleefully shouted as she opened the door, as a sneering looking fox stood there before her and Mike.

"Date...?" Mike didn't know how to respond.

"Oh, Dad, this is my new boyfriend, Ward Trower," Melissa smiled. "He asked me out at lunch today. I can't believe I'm about to go out on my first date! Are you ready, Ward?"

Ward nodded. "Yes, yes. I'm as ready as I could ever be." With that, he turned his attention towards Mike. "So, you must be Melissa's father, eh? Pleasure to meet you, man," he said in a very snotty sounding tone of voice.

"Nice to meet you too..." Mike said. He couldn't help but feel worried for Melissa almost immediately. He didn't like Ward's tone. But he figured it would be wrong of him to deprive her of the opportunity to date. "You had _best_ be on your best behavior, pal," Mike snarled venomously at him. "You better have her back before ten o'clock."

"Don't worry, dude. I'll have 'er back way before then," Ward smirked. "You ready, Melissa?"

"Sure thing, Ward," Melissa smiled. "See ya soon, Dad!" she called.

"Bye..." Mike sighed. He hoped that Ward would treat her well tonight.

Soon it was almost midnight and Melissa hadn't come home yet. Mike was worried beyond belief. What the hell were they up to? He kept pacing the floor, worried about his little girl. Mike was getting ready to call the police when there was a knock on the door. Mike answered it.

There was Melissa, standing before him. A few tears were streaming down her face as it looked like she had been crying for quite a while.

Mike was understandably quite pissed off at her. "Alright, explain yourself _right_ now young lady. Where the blue hell have you been all this damn time? I oughta tear you a new one..." He realized she was alone. "Where the hell is that damn Ward anyways?"

"Dad..." Melissa said, sighing heavily, trying to keep her tears in. "Ward...Ward...treated me horribly. He tried to make me pay for his dinner...and...and...and..."

"And then what?"

"And then he saw another girl at the movies and went off with her. Dad..." Melissa couldn't keep her tears in anymore. "Dad, WARD DUMPED ME!" she sobbed heavily, crying into her father's chest. Mike couldn't scold his daughter seeing her so upset, so hurt. He wanted to make her feel better...and he personally wanted to choke the living piss out of Ward for doing such a thing to Melissa.

"Aw, well..." Mike said, thinking of something comforting to say as he wrapped his arms around her. "To tell you the truth I didn't trust Ward one bit. He didn't seem like a nice guy to me. You're better off without him, I figure."

Melissa looked up at her father, her face a dreadful mess. "But Dad, he dumped me!"

"Well, cheer up, Melissa. I'm sure your next date'll go better than this one, right?"

"Oh, Dad, you don't ever have to worry about that," Melissa cried, "because I'm never going on another date in my life again!"

Mike was surprised at that statement. "Really? Never?"

"No, never," Melissa quickly replied, "if it's going to be as painful as this, I don't want to go out ever again. It's not worth it to get dumped like that..." She quickly began sobbing again.

Mike didn't want his daughter to think dating was a bad thing. He might not have liked her going out a whole lot himself, but she should have the opportunity to do so. He tried his best to think up something. This would be very hard for him to say. "Melissa, Ward didn't dump ya. He never really liked you at all."

"Really...? I thought he did..."

"No, he didn't, Melissa. He just wanted to use you. If he really cared about your feelings at all, he wouldn't have just left you like that. He would have never left. Look, Melissa, dating can be a pretty damned embarrassing experience," he sighed, "I know first hand."

"You? You were embarrassed dating, Dad? I can't really see that," she chuckled.

"Well, I was; plenty o' times, too. I used to be pretty bad at it when I was younger," he laughed, remembering his very young years. "But, seriously, Melissa, Ward might not be right for you, but someday you'll find the right one for you. That guy'll never do to you what Ward did. He will love ya who for who ya really are, not for just how ya look. Well, he probably will love that too, but it won't be the only reason why he's interested in you. Don't deprive yourself of dating, honey. If you do, you'll never allow yourself the chance to find that particular guy."

"But how will I know when I find the right one?" Melissa seemed a little confused.

"You'll just know. It'll be instinctive; you'll know it right away."

Melissa thought for a moment. "Okay, Dad, I'll give this dating thing another chance. I feel a lot better now. Thanks," she said as she hugged her father. "I love you, Dad," she said.

"I love you too, Melissa," Mike smiled.

Melissa's high school days seemed to go by in a flash. Melissa had more boyfriends after Ward. She didn't seem to learn her lesson too well, as every boyfriend she had seemed to be almost the same as Ward. Too often, Melissa ended up being very disappointed. But at least what Mike had said had stuck with her. She didn't give up on dating. She also really seemed to be coming into her own in high school. She made very respectable grades. She joined a drama class and took part in school plays. She found she was a good athlete and joined the girls' softball team and the girls' hockey team. And she also did some photography work for the school's paper, as she loved her camera. The sky seemed to be the limit for her.

Towards the latter half of her high school years, Melissa was now dating Troy Malone. Mike had known Troy from a few years previous; he'd taken Melissa to a winter ski resort as she wanted to go skiing. Unfortunately, Melissa had nearly been caught up in an avalanche, but luckily Troy had saved her and brought her back to the lodge where Mike was waiting. Troy seemed pretty likable to Mike at the time; but now that he was new to Prince Rupert, he seemed to give off a very different impression now. He seemed to cocky, arrogant, and rude. Not to mention, he seemed to neglect her to an extent. He didn't forget their dates, but he definitely wasn't very supportive of her at all. Troy never showed up to any of her plays, nor did he ever show up to any of her softball or hockey games. Mike thought that was rather inconsiderate of him. Mike personally had never missed any of her games or her plays. When Melissa had managed to help get her school's hockey team to the provincial championship game, he had been there at the game. Melissa had unfortunately gotten hurt during the game and broke her paw, putting her out of the game. Without her, her team was absolutely massacred. Melissa felt very disappointed in herself, but Mike reassured her that she had done the best she could do and that she should feel proud of herself. That had helped her out a lot, and it had inspired her to do even better when softball season came around. This time, she'd helped lead her team to victory in the provincial championship. Mike couldn't have been a prouder father at that moment.

Right up until the end of her high school days, Melissa continued to date Troy. Mike absolutely despised him by this point, but Melissa still seemed to see enough in him to keep dating him. He couldn't seem to understand what she liked in him. He watched as Melissa and Troy went to their senior prom together.

Mike also was starting to get tired of city life. He couldn't stand all the hustle and bustle of the people and it really started to wear him down. He also actively hated most of his bar patrons, and he couldn't stand to see their faces every day in his bar. So just as Melissa was about to graduate, Mike decided to put his bar up for sale and move out to the country for peace of mind. He'd have trouble telling Melissa.

"What do you mean, we're moving, Dad?" Melissa asked.

"Well, I'm about damn tired of this dumb city and this stupid city life. I think the country's a nice change o' pace," Mike replied.

"I'm sure it will be, but I'm not sure I want to leave Prince Rupert..." Melissa said, worriedly. "I'll be leaving all my friends behind. Plus I did plan to go to college here..." Mike remembered. Melissa had had several different career paths she could have chosen, but in the end, she'd decided she would study photojournalism. Just like her mother had. It amazed Mike how much Melissa was like Allie, in more ways than one. She even looked like the spitting image of her late mother. No doubt Allie would have been very proud of her.

"Well, don't worry, Melissa. I took a good look around the map and I found a nice little place away from the bright lights of the big city. It's called the Evergreen Forest," Mike told her. "And don't worry about college, that's covered too. They have a small little university there called Evergreen University. You're in luck, they offer courses in photojournalism. Y'could enroll there."

Melissa thought for a moment. "I suppose it'll work out," she said, "and I'm sure I can adapt. But I am going to be leaving a lot behind..."

"You're talkin' about Troy, aren't ya?" Mike hissed.

"Actually, no, Dad. I was a bit hesitant to tell you this, but I've actually been thinking about breaking up with him for a while now," Melissa said. Mike was ridiculously happy to hear her say that. He had been waiting for it for ages. It was all he could do to suppress the urge to scream with joy right now.

"Really? Well, if you think it's the right thing, you should do it. I'm just curious as to why." He wanted to hear her reasons.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I think you're kind of right, Dad. He _is_ a little bit too arrogant. It's not that I don't like him, but he does get on my nerves...a little too often. Plus, as you've said, he never really showed up at my games or my plays. And to add to that, well..." she paused for a moment, "it'll be really hard to even try to maintain a long distance relationship now that I know we're moving. I don't think I could handle it. I think I should talk to him about it, don't you think?"

Mike smiled. _**Those** _were words he'd wanted to hear for a long time. "Yes, I think so, I'm sure he'll understand-if he has any common sense..." Mike mumbled.

"Well, I'll see if I can talk to him about it," Melissa smiled.

Sure enough, literally the day before she graduated, Melissa broke up with Troy. And just a couple of weeks later, the two of them had moved to their current home, the Evergreen Forest. Melissa quickly enrolled at Evergreen U, where she was doing fairly well in her studies. Then she had met another guy in her second year there. That guy, of course, was her current new husband, Ralph. Melissa seemed to like him right away and soon he was a frequent topic of discussion between her and Mike. Mike wondered more about this Ralph character.

"What is this Ralph like?" Mike asked her one day, after she had told him he would be coming by to visit for the first time soon and they would go fishing together with a friend of Ralph's.

"Well..." Melissa said, smiling. "He's smart, cute, kind, and a really nice guy. Oh, did I mention he's cute?" she grinned.

"Twice," Mike groaned. He wasn't looking forward to meeting Ralph at all. He had a feeling Ralph would turn out just the same as every single one of her high school boyfriends had been. Cocky. Arrogant. A big jerk. So it was quite a surprise to see Ralph was not anything like he had imagined him to be. Ralph seemed to be everything Melissa had said he was. He actually seemed quite timid, as he got rather fearful every time Mike yelled. Not to mention, he knew quite a bit about Vietnam. He even told Mike something he didn't know: since the Vietnam War had ended, America had promised amnesty to any draft dodgers such as Mike if they decided to return to America. It was no longer illegal for him to re-enter his home country. But he would never go back, as he felt his new home was here in Canada. Melissa definitely wasn't kidding about Ralph being smart, that was for sure. It had also turned out that Ralph was the son of one of his bar patrons-but he was _nothing_ like his father.

Time passed and Melissa and Ralph were becoming closer and closer friends. It seemed pretty obvious that Ralph had a crush on his daughter, but he seemed too afraid to tell her about it. As for Melissa? One little conversation between Mike and her pretty much told it all.

"Dad?" Melissa asked him one day.

"Yes, Melissa?" Mike grunted.

"Do you remember when you told me I'd know when I found the right guy for me?" she questioned him.

Mike was confused. "Er, I think so." Hell, he even told something to that effect to Ralph when he'd met him.

Melissa looked to a photo of her and Ralph together taken when she and him had went fishing. "Well..." she grinned, "I know."

Despite it being very clear Melissa was in love with him, Ralph didn't seem to get it. When he'd come to visit, Mike would observe Melissa trying to flirt with him several times, hoping maybe he would get the hint and flirt back. Usually all that did was just make the poor kid really confused. If Ralph had any actual common sense, he would realize his daughter loved him and take her out...

Soon enough, Melissa excitedly told her father that she had heard from a friend there was a Valentine's Day Ball being held at local socialite Lady Baden-Baden's mansion. She figured this was a perfect opportunity for her and Ralph to finally get together. "But," she told him, "I don't think he'll ask me to go..."

"Hmm..." Mike thought. "Shot in the dark, why don't you try asking him yourself? I don't think it always has to be the guy doing the askin', ya know."

Melissa liked the idea. "You know what, Dad? That's exactly what I'm going to do," she smirked.

Unfortunately, this had ended with Melissa coming home in tears as she dashed upstairs and bawled into her pillow. Mike was outraged. It seemed like Ralph really _was_ nothing but a jerk after all. It went to show you couldn't put trust in anybody. Mike had half the mind to come over to his home and tear his intestines out, bit by bit. So it came as a surprise that Ralph and Melissa had ultimately made up (after Ralph had made a rather foolish choice that still got a chuckle out of Mike occasionally whenever his mind pondered it) and gone to that dance together.

From there, everything seemed like a blur. They had gotten together officially right afterwards. They had dated up until a few months ago. Just this February, Ralph had asked Melissa if she would marry him and she had been only too happy to say yes to him. This was where the start of Mike's current depression was. Mike had made Ralph promise him he would take care of Melissa and treat her well just like Allie had made him promise on her deathbed. It was a way of showing the passing of responsibility for her. And Ralph had indeed promised him that. Then they had gotten married. Mike didn't like to think about it too much as it was a rather sad day for him. Then they'd left...

Mike found himself in the present day again. Those old memories did make him smile a lot. It had been totally worth it raising Melissa from infancy to adulthood. But now, things just didn't feel the same with her gone. His life felt empty.

Mike sighed as he stretched his arms out and drifted off into a restless sleep.

* * *

><p>Next evening, at Mike's Beer Emporium, Mike was busy filling up the usual alcoholic crew's beer mugs.<p>

"Here ya go..." he growled, very agitatedly. Mike's head was a million miles away right now. He had gotten a grand total of an hour and a half of sleep the whole night. It really showed, too-there were bags under his eye and he felt a lot more irritable than he normally was.

The drunks were busy chatting among themselves. Arthur Raccoon was busy having a conversation with his friend Henry Rogers. Or more specifically, they were arguing about something or other...

"Hey, hey, Art. Guess what happened last night?" Henry laughed, nudging Arthur in the ribs.

"What is it ol' buddy?" Arthur asked.

"My son left this Forest with his bandmates to go to Vancouver. They're gettin' themselves a record contract. Y'know what that means?" the beaver asked.

Peter Fagan, the third member of the beer pals, answered that question. "Why, that means you're gonna be livin' on easy street from now on, doesn't it?" the rabbit asked.

"Oh hell yeah!" Henry gleefully exclaimed. "I'm gonna be able to retire comfortably, no problem! My son, the rock star," he chuckled. "Sure is doin' better than yer boy, Ralph, isn't he, Art?"

Arthur laughed. "Huh, as if! Ralph is gonna be a big newspaper writer someday. He's gonna run his own paper and have himself a big ol' office. Plus that new wife of his is gonna be right there puttin' photos in the newspaper. You watch and see!" the drunken raccoon huffed.

"You sure about that?" the beaver responded. "What does he do _now_, Art?" he chuckled.

Mike growled. He could hardly stand these drunken morons' antics. They always seemed to be arguing about the stupidest, most trivial things. It seemed idiotic for them to being arguing over who the best out of their kids was. He felt they should all be proud of their kids for who they were, instead of being immature and trying to compare them to each other.

"Well, he works at that Lassater's Cafe wiping off tables. And his wife has a job at the post office," Arthur meekly replied.

"HAH! Not very glamorous, now, are we? So right now at least, my son's doing better than your son! Haha!" Henry laughed rather heartily.

"Hey, I wanted to name the boy after you. Did I tell you that story?" Arthur implied.

"Yes, a thousand times. Go on, tell me again, I love this story," Henry chuckled.

"Well," Arthur began, "I was gonna name the kid Henry, but _somebody_ said, 'Art, there's no way you're naming him after a drunk!' She wanted to name after her father who'd passed away not too long before. I said no way in hell. Eventually we just decided to compromise. I decided we were gonna name him Henry Ralph Raccoon, but wouldn't you know, she wrote 'Ralph Henry Raccoon' on the birth certificate. Damn Millie..." Arthur muttered under his breath.

"Heh, I never get tired of hearin' that story," Henry laughed. "But my son's still better than yours is!"

"He is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Guys, guys," Peter said, crossing his arms. "No need to fight here. We all know who has the best son of 'em all. It's obviously me. The kid's got a job working for Mr. Knox. Now that's movin' up in the world," he chuckled.

Arthur and Henry couldn't really think of a way to argue with that. "Can't argue there," Art admitted.

"You know, I heard Mr. Knox's name actually was Mister?" Henry asked.

"Get outta here," Arthur scoffed.

"Nope, it's true," Peter replied. "His name's actually Mister Knox. Derek told me that his mother named him that to make him more distinguished."

"Huh." Arthur turned back to Henry. "So I guess it's just a matter if my son or your son is the better one," he grinned.

"Obviously Clancy," Henry smiled.

"Nah, it's Ralph," Arthur retorted.

"You're crazy!" Henry scoffed.

"Well, my other son is a professional chef. What d'you have to say to that, Henry?" Arthur grinned big.

"Ouch," Peter shook his head. "Henry, I think he really got you there."

"So what?"

"So," Arthur said, "that means obviously he's better than Clancy."

"He is not."

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is-"

Mike couldn't take anymore of their idiotic bickering with each other. He picked up the beer mug he was wiping off and smashed it on the counter. "Alright, I've had enough of this bullshit!" he shouted as loud as he could. "If you three don't shut the hell up right now, I'm gonna take out my sledgehammer and bust each and every one of your teeth out and use 'em to make a necklace! So you three had better _shut up!_"

Needless to say, the drunks' eyes nearly bulged out of their heads as they were instantly silenced. They usually knew Mike's threats to people were completely empty, but he seemed so agitated right now that they couldn't tell whether or not he would actually do it. They _knew_ for sure he had a sledgehammer...

After a few moments Mike caught a hold of himself. "I'm sorry, you guys," he sighed. "That was quite unprofessional of me to yell at ya. Sorry," he said, looking at the ground, more than just a little embarrassed he'd snapped at them.

Henry was the first one to speak. "Geez, Mike, what the hell was that all about? I mean, you've always been kinda a grouch, but sheesh! The past two months every time you've spoken to us you've been pretty cranky. I'm surprised you didn't blow up at us sooner."

Peter did some thinking, rare for him. "Does this have something to do with your daughter, Mike?" the rabbit earnestly asked.

Mike sighed. "...Yes."

"What's the matter?"

Mike sighed even heavier than before. "...I miss her. I can't help but feel like I've been completely abandoned by everything I've ever loved. My parents died when I was young, my wife died, my brother died, and now my little angel's left me to go live with her new husband. It's just not been the same at home. I can't help but feel all alone. I worry about her every damned night; I can barely get a good night's sleep. I can't help but wonder if Ralph'll actually treat her right or not. I wish I knew how she was."

Henry laughed after a minute. "Sheesh, Mike, is that what's got you all in a bind? Hell, when my son moved out, I threw a party! Your kid moving out means a house all to yourself!" the beaver guffawed.

Peter slapped his drunken buddy right upside his fairly large noggin. "You're not helpin' him, Henry," he sneered.

"Sorry."

"Look, Mike," Peter said, sympathetically, "I know we pick on ya sometimes, but now I feel kinda bad about it. I just dunno how we can help you out here," he shrugged.

"I wish I knew where to go to for help..." Mike lowly responded.

"Are you turning to _us_ for help?" Henry answered, sounding a bit surprised.

"I guess I am..."

"Huh, that's funny," Arthur said, laughing his tail off, "because if TV tells me anything, we're supposed to be asking you for help. Now it's the other way around!"

"This has surely never happened before in recorded history," Henry laughed as well, "a bartender asking his barflies for advice!"

Peter shushed the both of them. "Will you two stop? I think you're just making it worse for him. Now, Mike," Peter said, doing some more exceedingly rare thinking, "I know it's hard for you now that Melissa's moved out. You two spent twenty-three years together. But, it is for the best, Mike. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want to live under your roof forever. I know sure as hell my son didn't! I think kids need to leave the nest at some point, go out and see how they make it in the world on their own. She's getting the opportunity to do that. Besides, she's not alone, she has Ralph for support. If anything, I think you should be happy for her." Despite his lack of intelligence, Peter could be surprisingly wise...once in a great while.

"I know..." Mike sighed. "But it's just so hard getting used to not having her around. What if she forgets me?"

"Mike, she's not gonna forget ya," Henry scoffed. "If anything she had a better relationship with you then any of our kids did with us. She'd never forget ya!"

"Mike, your kids aren't going to forget you unless you beat the shit out of them every day or something. You didn't do that. To be honest you are probably a better father to her than any of us were to our kids. You had to raise her by herself. I don't think any of us could have done that with our kids," Peter added.

"No way in hell I coulda done that!" Arthur agreed. "None of our kids forgot us. Hell, I only see George maybe only once every few years, and he always calls me unforgettable."

"Fair enough," Mike sighed, "but I'm still not too terribly sure about Ralph. I like the kid, but I'm not sure I can fully trust him. Suppose he breaks her heart in the long run. I can't bear the thought of her becoming a lonely old raccoon like me!"

"That isn't gonna happen, Mike," Peter calmly answered. "From what I've seen of the two of them, they love each other...well, a lot. I'd think of a better word to describe it, but I don't really know a word that can really describe how they feel about each other. They love each other. Besides, Ralph is a very good kid."

"I'll vouch for that!" Arthur interrupted.

"Quiet, Art," Peter silenced him. "Now as I was saying before _Art_ so rudely interrupted me, Ralph is a good kid. I know; I babysat him a few times when he was little. I remember once I picked him from the ol' elementary school while I was drunk as could be. I drove the kid home drunk, but I asked him not to tell everyone, to keep it a secret. He never told anyone about it, sure enough!"

"What does that have to do anything?" Mike wondered.

"Well, you made Ralph promise he wouldn't do anything to hurt Melissa, didn't ya?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So if he can keep a secret, I'm certain he'll keep the promise. She will be just fine."

Mike didn't really see how that kind of promise even remotely began to compare to the type of promise Ralph had made to him, but he figured he would accept it anyways as he probably couldn't have gotten a better example out of these three.

"She probably couldn't have picked a better raccoon to get married to," Henry added to what Peter had said.

"Of course she's gonna be alright, brother!" Art laughed.

"I am _not_ your brother," Mike replied, a frown now occupying his face. "We're only in-laws. Ever since our kids got married, you've been calling me your damn brother, Art."

"Sorry," Art sheepishly responded. "But hey, your daughter's in good hands! She married my boy, after all! They're gonna do damned fine together."

"Gee, thanks, but I still can't help but feel empty somehow," Mike sighed.

"Well, think of something that can fill the emptiness," Peter answered. "Hey! I know. Mike, Art, Henry and I like to go bowling every Friday and Saturday night if we can. We were actually thinking about joining the local bowling league because we're all pretty good, but we're one man short-we need four guys. How would you like to be the fourth guy?"

"You'll be bowling with the best," Arthur grinned.

"I'll say!" Henry agreed. "Art here bowls about a 200 on average every time. He came up just a few pins shy of getting 300 one time!"

Mike thought to himself. It was a bit of enticing offer, plus it would certainly take his mind off of Melissa. But Mike was awful at bowling. He could barely get more than 20 pins in a game. He felt he might make a complete fool out of himself. "It's a nice offer, but I'm not good at bowlin'." Mike sighed.

"It doesn't matter if you're good," Peter said. "It matters that you enjoy yourself, I think. You'll have fun."

"What d'ya say, brother?" Arthur eagerly asked.

Mike thought to himself again. Would hanging out with these three idiots outside of the bar actually be worth it?

Then again, he supposed it was better than _nothing_...

**END CHAPTER THREE**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Well, there's your chapter three. Maybe a bit ridiculously on the emotional side, but I thought this was a pretty good chapter. I figured since in "Story Of Ralph" we saw Ralph's childhood, but we never got to see Melissa's childhood (since it was told from Ralph's perspective, although I gave a few hints every now and then to how her potential childhood had been), maybe someone would want to see what her childhood had been like. So since I decided Mike was going to be taking Arthur's role of having a subplot in this fic, I thought this was a perfect place to show it, through Mike's memories. You really see how much Mike loves his daughter in this chapter. I found it rather touching in a way. I really don't have a whole lot else to explain for this chapter, other than, well, I hoped you enjoyed it. Even this was a bit more of a rehashing chapter. We're starting to get somewhere, I think.

And you finally got to meet the other two drunks besides Ralph's father in person. Peter is the only one of them who has any trace of common sense, even if he is still far from a regular scholar (thinking a promise to not tell about drunken driving is on the same level as a marriage promise, for one!). Henry isn't much smarter than Arthur is, as you see, he's just about as dumb. They'll show up periodically from time to time. Expect to see them again around Chapter 7.

Next chapter we'll go back to Vancouver to see how Bert and his bandmates are adjusting to their new life in the city, so keep your eyes peeled for that. And Don Ringtail has something sinister in store for Bert...


End file.
